Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - updated version

Share your blood sweat tears query for feedback and lend your hard-won expertise to others
JMB
Posts: 29
Joined: May 7th, 2010, 10:17 am
Contact:

Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - updated version

Post by JMB » July 13th, 2011, 5:04 pm

Joel, I like this. It's well written and the MC has personality. My only issue is with what I think is a plot point. I found myself disappointed that he does the expected and sides with the angels. I found myself hoping there was going to be a twist.

Demons and demon hunters seem to be quite popular here and on other query forums, so make sure yours offers something unique! Nice writing though!

User avatar
oldhousejunkie
Posts: 250
Joined: March 16th, 2010, 10:15 am
Location: South Carolina
Contact:

Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - LAST LINE HELP

Post by oldhousejunkie » July 13th, 2011, 5:22 pm

This is a nifty concept! I can so see my husband reading something like this. I hope you're ready to go with your manuscript--with the release of "Cowboys and Aliens", I'm sure there will be new interest in Westerns, especially ones with paranormal concepts. I made a few "housekeeping" comments below.
Joel Q wrote:Here's a revision I've been working on.
Any thoughts?
JQ


In an 1800s coal mining town in the Rocky Mountains, Jonathan Blair finds Hell waiting for him. He knows, because he’s had a glimpse of it before.

Blair fell from the pulpit to a life of crime. Convicted of murder, he conditionally trades his death sentence for an offer that’s probably too good to be true—a job as a court-appointed bounty hunter. If he brings in members of his former gang, he’ll go free. Now only two weeks remain to find the last man, or the gallows await the former pastor instead of a pardon.

Blair locates the last gang member in Gothic, Colorado, along with a growing number of dead miners with bloodless neck wounds. The townspeople turn to folklore to explain the gruesome slayings. Blair He uncovers the truth behind the mysterious deaths, but it’s a reality he wants to deny. Demons. Then an angel, seemingly more foe than friend, confirms his deduction and leads him away from the gang member and toward a clash between Heaven and Hell—a battle Blair lost faith in years ago. This last sentence is a run-on.

The town’s survival depends on Blair abandoning his chance of a pardon, and placing his trust in his pistols and the angel. Blair and these demons have clashed before. And they’re eager for his tainted soul. I like this. I'm visualizing Russell Crowe in the "Quick and the Dead."

THE COLOR OF GOTHIC is a 95,000-word paranormal western where an unexpected journey to redemption has the power to save more than one life. I struck that last bit because I think you've hit home the point of the novel already. You might want to get your word count down as well. Historical fiction can go 100k, but I imagine that Westerns are probably less. I don't think 95k will break you, but you never know.

The novel could also be marketed as a historical urban fantasy.
Personal info line…
Best of luck to you!

piers
Posts: 6
Joined: August 4th, 2011, 10:41 am
Contact:

Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - REVISED

Post by piers » August 21st, 2011, 1:03 pm

I really like this query. You make it look easy- clean and neat and we know what the story is. I also think the line 'he knows more than his name' is easy to understand and more interesting than the others suggested.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests