Query for THE LAST SYMPHONY OF JUAN GARCIA

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kevinott777
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Re: Query for THE LAST SYMPHONY OF JUAN GARCIA

Post by kevinott777 » January 31st, 2011, 5:16 pm

Haha, what a great turn of events and anecdote (Wife Swap and the courthouse encounter)! So very serendipitous! It made me smile reading that! (and reading your sincere words of encouragement)

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Mary-Catharine
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Re: Query for THE LAST SYMPHONY OF JUAN GARCIA

Post by Mary-Catharine » January 31st, 2011, 7:27 pm

What are your publication plans? Are you seeking representation?

kevinott777
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Re: Query for THE LAST SYMPHONY OF JUAN GARCIA

Post by kevinott777 » January 31st, 2011, 7:55 pm

Yep, I'm going to give the agenting route a shot, and exhaust that option (which will take awhile since there are so many agents out there and because it takes a lot of time to hear back from them, etc.) before considering the next step. I've always been partial to the idea of working with an agent, especially an agent who is hands on.

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Mary-Catharine
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Re: Query for THE LAST SYMPHONY OF JUAN GARCIA

Post by Mary-Catharine » January 31st, 2011, 8:03 pm

Trust me, you want an agent. Getting an agent is a must for a first time writer. They help you work out the best deals with editors and publishers. Publishers do not accept unsolicited writers. Do you know the right sites to go to find one? Because I can point you to a few I know.

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Re: Query for THE LAST SYMPHONY OF JUAN GARCIA

Post by kevinott777 » January 31st, 2011, 9:32 pm

Definitely agree with you there. And yeah I've been using query tracker and the AAR site, but I welcome any and all referrals to other sites you use as well. Thanks! :)

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Mary-Catharine
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Re: Query for THE LAST SYMPHONY OF JUAN GARCIA

Post by Mary-Catharine » February 1st, 2011, 1:06 pm

I in no way claim to know more about the publishing industry, and I understand your skepticism in beginning a writer-agent relationship. It's a pretty big deal! Just, from what I've read, agents are pretty important for a first time writer. I know what you mean by an agent that's too hands on, especially on editorial issues. However, I think if you put up a reason and a good fight, then they'll back off on taking something out or changing it.
Here are some sites, and I'm sorry if you already know these.
I just really like your book and I want to see it on the freaking shelf some day.
So, these are just suggestions that I hope are helpful and I don't sound like a jerkasaurus.
"Us writers gotz tuh stik toogeva!"- Oh yes, I'm hip on the vernacular.
Look here first: http://www.sfwa.org/for-authors/writer-beware/agents/
1.http://www.agentquery.com/default.aspx
2. http://www.publishersmarketplace.com/search.html
3.http://www.webook.com/literary-agents/l ... gents.aspx

kevinott777
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Re: Query for THE LAST SYMPHONY OF JUAN GARCIA

Post by kevinott777 » February 1st, 2011, 5:48 pm

Completely agree with everything you said! Dig the lingo, too! Haha! :)

And thanks a millions for these additional links, I wasn't aware of a few of those, and will use them to the max! I think I'm getting more excited about working with an agent and having that extra support, assuming I can land one, haha!

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Mary-Catharine
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Re: Query for THE LAST SYMPHONY OF JUAN GARCIA

Post by Mary-Catharine » February 1st, 2011, 10:20 pm

I'm sure you won't have a problem... okay, maybe a few. But that's how it's suppose to work. It's suppose to be long and full of suffering. Which is why all writers are closet masochist.

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Re: Query for THE LAST SYMPHONY OF JUAN GARCIA

Post by glj » February 2nd, 2011, 4:44 pm

I like your plot summary. It is compelling.

My main concern would be whether you could play up the potential conflict more. Juan is talented but is overlooked because he has no training, no connections, and is a migrant laborer. Lainey is has the skills to recognize Juan's genius, but her prejudice is blinding her. That is a good setup for conflict.

But you could show this more. Can you show, in a sentence or so, his genius instead of telling us? The phrase "possesses a musical genius akin to Mozart" does not make me empathize with Juan, does not make me root for him. He should be trying to express his gift. He should be trying to express his gift and failing, but NOT because he isn't good enough, but because of who he is. You want the reader to form an emotional bond here, and showing something real, like Juan composing/playing music on ordinary farm implements would be cool. Instead, all the query says is that he writes down music. None of his fellow workers have ever heard it? He doesn't cause people driving by with their windows down to stop and listen?

The query says to me that Juan THINKS he has talent. It doesn't say that his family and co-workers and others see and feel his talent. The query doesn't say he tries for success but it won't be recognized because of his lowly station in life. What I get out of this is that he is very poor and therefore maybe he doesn't even have the time and money to try for success, that writing music is just an after-hours pasttime after picking lettuce and before falling asleep. Can you show some disappointing event, such as his co-workers scraping together money to help him enter a contest and he wins, but then they shoo him away because he isn't camera-ready? Or he then tries to use a person with status success to get people to listen to his work, but they can cheat him because no one would believe that Juan the lettuce-picker composed a great piece?

"Juan risks his life to pull her from the vehicle." This is okay, but would be more powerful if the reader realizes that Juan's hands could be permanently damaged by pulling her out of flames or some such. This is, well, too much like a news report. It doesn't connect with me EMOTIONALLY. Does that make sense? I want you to make me root for him. I want you to make me feel that Juan deserves success and has been unfairly treated (or at least unfairly ignored). Instead, this comes across as him merely sitting in the shed writing music, and not striving and failing to acheive the success he deserves.

The other thing that seems lacking is any motivation or stakes for Lainey. What happens if she decides to just walk away? What will compell her to help him, despite a big gulf in status?

I hope this helps. I think if you can make the reader really pull for Juan, you will have a powerful query letter.


Juan Garcia works in the fields of California's Central Valley picking lettuce, but he possesses a musical genius akin to Mozart. At night, he sits in a shed filling pages with rows of numbers. Despite not knowing how to read or write standard music notation, he tells his friends that he's writing a symphony using a matrix system that he's invented. No one believes him (and his friends mock him). Juan dreams of being a composer, away from the brutal world of migrant field work. Hope arrives with the sound of a car crash. When an outspoken racist named Lainey Smith blows a tire and wrecks near the fields, Juan risks his life to pull her from the vehicle. An unlikely relationship begins. Lainey, an experienced composer, has the skills to translate his matrix into a symphony and the connections to publish his work; but Juan must first overcome her prejudices.

kevinott777
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Re: Query for THE LAST SYMPHONY OF JUAN GARCIA

Post by kevinott777 » February 2nd, 2011, 6:14 pm

Wonderful, exceptional comments! Your insight is helping me see angles and weaknesses I hadn't seen previously. I will be using your comments as a reference for future query revisions. Thanks so much!! It is so valuable!!!

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