It does sound interesting, but there's something missing. In the first paragraph, you lay down Micah's situation quite well. The second paragraph, though, is minutia that does not make any sense. I get lost. Simplify.Fenris wrote:Micah is nearly out of high school, ready to make his way in the world. Unfortunately for him, it will be a much different world than the one he expects. When he inadvertently frees an ancient deity named Fenris, he becomes heir to both the being's soul and his task: He is to destroy Asgard, homeworld of the Norse gods of old.
Fenris' newfound freedom attracts the ire of his jailor, who hunts Micah down in an attempt to recapture Fenris. Micah’s friend Kitty sacrifices herself to save him, and Micah travels to Heaven with an old friend of Fenris to try and find her soul. Once there, he is waylaid by those keen to see his true task fulfilled, and Micah is forced onto the very world he wished to avoid—and it’s a one-way ticket.
Try: Fenris' jailor tracks Micah down and Micah's best friend, Kitty, dies in their escape. To save Kitty's soul--and bring her back to life--Micah travels with Fenris to Heaven [Valhalla?]. He doesn't plan on destroying Asgard, but some of the gods there are keen to make him. And just as many others to stop him.
Simpler sentences: "Fenris' newfound freedom attracts the ire of his jailor, who hunts Micah down in an attempt to recpature Fenris" becomes "Fenris' jailor tracks Micah down." In yours, I get lost. Too many $0.50 words.
I recommend keeping Kitty and losing the twin story-line (for the query letter). It's more emotionally evocative and that means more gripping. Focus on the Micah's goal (save Kitty) and his problem (he's in the middle of a feud--deities on the warpath).