Query Review and some helpful hints
Posted: December 7th, 2009, 8:02 pm
If I can offer any helpful advice to an aspiring writer it's this; take your first draft of your query letter, admire it and then throw it away. Once your second version is complete; bask in the glow of your accomplishment and then burn it. Take the best sections from your next four rewrites and then, maybe, you will begin to have the makings of a query letter that will grab the attention of your dream agent
When I started this journey I was extremely green to the query process. I read books and gathered information from blogs and studied examples of solid letters, put pen to paper and thought I had the best *&^ damn query letter that was ever written and submitted it to several agents (including Nathan). I should have taken by own advice and burned it as an offering to the query Gods! As I learned the process my green tint began to fade and I rewrote, revised, edited and hacked until my query letter began to look and sound professional. To make a long story short my seventh version began to gather attention and some partial requests. My eight version (the one posted below) was the one that started to garnish full submissions.
For some the query process comes naturally and you may hit it of the park on your first draft but for others, like myself, it has been a learning experience, hence my reason for posting it below to see if there is anything I should change. IT can always be better!
Thank you in advance for your help and this board.
Dave B
Query Letter
Dear Mr. Agent:
Jeff Russell was on the verge of financial ruin and desperately looking for help, what he received instead was an invitation to meet a perfect stranger on the other side of the world.
In London’s West End, at exactly 5:00 PM on Saturday, Dec. 9, 2000, seven unknowns, from around the globe, arrived at an abandoned restaurant with no name, staffed by misfits only found in a Monty Python skit, serving cuisine cooked by a vulgar French chef and owned by a mysterious man named Todd. Before the first cocktail was even served, Jeff struggled with the fact that he might never see his family again as it was revealed that Todd believed himself God, “The Heart” and his restaurant was a weigh station for the dead, he called Passers, and the waiters their guardians.
In between appetizers and abated fist fights Todd informed the guests that he needed their help in deciding the fate of his eighth guest, a man he called his greatest mistake, an insane ex-con nicknamed “The Freak.” In return for their judgments each guest would enjoy a feast beyond their dreams and be rewarded their fondest wish.
But like all dinner parties nothing went according to plan as more and more passers arrived before heading home, party crashers accidentally exploded, a guest and his guardian battled one last time, secrets of the dead were revealed and Jeff learned the truth of how his past and future brought him to sit at the table of eight.
My name is David B and I created Jeff Russell and The Table of Eight. It is a 106,000 word commercial novel about a man, who thought he was God, and what happened when he opened his little restaurant to the general public. I am a member of the Chicago Screenwriters group where I learned character and plot development. I can be reached at ***-***-**** or at emailaddress@hotmail.com
Sincerely
When I started this journey I was extremely green to the query process. I read books and gathered information from blogs and studied examples of solid letters, put pen to paper and thought I had the best *&^ damn query letter that was ever written and submitted it to several agents (including Nathan). I should have taken by own advice and burned it as an offering to the query Gods! As I learned the process my green tint began to fade and I rewrote, revised, edited and hacked until my query letter began to look and sound professional. To make a long story short my seventh version began to gather attention and some partial requests. My eight version (the one posted below) was the one that started to garnish full submissions.
For some the query process comes naturally and you may hit it of the park on your first draft but for others, like myself, it has been a learning experience, hence my reason for posting it below to see if there is anything I should change. IT can always be better!
Thank you in advance for your help and this board.
Dave B
Query Letter
Dear Mr. Agent:
Jeff Russell was on the verge of financial ruin and desperately looking for help, what he received instead was an invitation to meet a perfect stranger on the other side of the world.
In London’s West End, at exactly 5:00 PM on Saturday, Dec. 9, 2000, seven unknowns, from around the globe, arrived at an abandoned restaurant with no name, staffed by misfits only found in a Monty Python skit, serving cuisine cooked by a vulgar French chef and owned by a mysterious man named Todd. Before the first cocktail was even served, Jeff struggled with the fact that he might never see his family again as it was revealed that Todd believed himself God, “The Heart” and his restaurant was a weigh station for the dead, he called Passers, and the waiters their guardians.
In between appetizers and abated fist fights Todd informed the guests that he needed their help in deciding the fate of his eighth guest, a man he called his greatest mistake, an insane ex-con nicknamed “The Freak.” In return for their judgments each guest would enjoy a feast beyond their dreams and be rewarded their fondest wish.
But like all dinner parties nothing went according to plan as more and more passers arrived before heading home, party crashers accidentally exploded, a guest and his guardian battled one last time, secrets of the dead were revealed and Jeff learned the truth of how his past and future brought him to sit at the table of eight.
My name is David B and I created Jeff Russell and The Table of Eight. It is a 106,000 word commercial novel about a man, who thought he was God, and what happened when he opened his little restaurant to the general public. I am a member of the Chicago Screenwriters group where I learned character and plot development. I can be reached at ***-***-**** or at emailaddress@hotmail.com
Sincerely