Query for a Fantasy novel 3rd Draft!!

[Quill]

Here is try 3, I changed the point of view a bit. Any impressions? I appreciate your feedback! Thanks.

Where is try 3? Would you mind posting new versions in line in the thread so we can easily follow the progression?

Meantime I'll look around some more! Thanks!

[Debra_A]

Here is try 3, I changed the point of view a bit. Any impressions? I appreciate your feedback! Thanks.

Where is try 3? Would you mind posting new versions in line in the thread so we can easily follow the progression?

Meantime I'll look around some more! Thanks!

Sure! Let me go grab them. ;)

[Debra_A]

Draft one

Emma, a Christmas Angel, lands, torn and bleeding, in the arms of a vampire. Together they must try to save humanity from a murderer who inhabits Heaven while God is trapped in Hell.

Emma the Seraphim is an unconventional angel with a dirty mouth. Jason Parish is a vampire who has yet to come to terms with what he needs to do to survive as a creature of the night. Despite Emma’s hate for vampires, she is tasked with proving to Jason that his soul is good. When more Angels are flung from Heaven, the pair can wait no longer to save God. Emma has to power through her fear and face a sexy, determined Satan. Jason’s wait for her on Earth includes and vicious assault from their enemy who is using Heaven’s entire arsenal for evil. In a battlefield filled with melting rainbows and first time prayers, love may be the most effective weapon of all.

CRUSHED SERAPHIM is a 72,000 word Fantasy novel. (insert research on agent) Thank you for your time.

Debra A

Bare bones (probably too skimpy!) draft 2

Emma the Seraphim is an unconventional angel with a dirty mouth. Jason Parish in a vampire whose ancestors include an escaped Devil’s Minion. Despite their prejudices against one another, they must work together to save God, who is imprisoned in Hell. In a battlefield filled with melting rainbows and fiery rage, an unlikely love will be the most effective weapon of all.

Draft 3 with a change in point of view:

Jack’s been Satan for a thousand years. He knows how to be good, but his body accepts evil like an addictive drug. Jack’s talents lie in torture and seduction. Every woman that is condemned to Hell submits to him, that is until a broken Angel forces her way into his domain. Jack can still smell the Heaven on Emma’s skin even though her wings have been ripped from her back by Everett, a murderous man that lied his way into his winged afterlife. With God imprisoned nearby, Jack has to fight an internal battle between his feelings for the Angel and his dedication his to position as Satan.

While Everette has control of Heaven during this delicate deception, he plans to poison Earth so it can match his shriveled heart. Although she is foul-mouthed and unconventional, Emma must now trick Satan to save God and in turn, the world.

Of course the top is addressed and the last paragraph will be the research I did on the agent I am submitting to and a polite thanks for time.