Bleamy's Corner

Share your blood sweat tears query for feedback and lend your hard-won expertise to others
Post Reply
itobias
Posts: 18
Joined: February 19th, 2011, 1:15 pm
Contact:

Bleamy's Corner

Post by itobias » November 19th, 2016, 10:34 am

Eleven-year-old Jeremy is heartbroken at leaving his dog and friends behind when the 1802 Scotland drought forces his family to move to London. Too soon, he watches his father die of consumption. A night later, he follows his mother's lonely footprints in the snow where they end at the edge of London Bridge. He is tempted to follow her, but his grief turns to rage and he vows to persevere.

Hope and money gone, left alone to fend for himself, Jeremy drags his parents' belongings and furniture to a corner between two buildings. There, against the landlord, gangs and neighbors' objections, he makes his stand. With his smarts and will for survival, he bravely fights off those who try to steal his parents' possessions and worse, his freedom.

Jeremy ekes out a few pennies a night as a lamp boy, lighting the way for men seeking entertainment on the dangerous night streets. But as the Duke Street Boys muscle in, demanding a sizable cut, Jeremy pits his wits against them and a growing list of foes—the worst are the orphan hunters—who wish to capture and sell him to the textile mills. Everyone soon discovers this is not a boy to be trifled with.

Jeremy almost surrenders, when he returns one evening to find his shelter burning and the hunters awaiting him. Unbeknownst to Jeremy, his neighbors have been watching him and they have developed strong opinions about this brave little orphan. Jeremy's steadfastness and bravery have inspired them, and those who prey on children are about to be taught that this young boy is not alone in the world after all.

BLEAMY'S CORNER is a YA historical fiction novel complete at 82,000-words

hauntedsouls
Posts: 16
Joined: June 27th, 2017, 3:12 pm
Contact:

Re: Bleamy's Corner

Post by hauntedsouls » June 27th, 2017, 3:23 pm

Hmmm, this sounds like a terrific premise, but this reads more like a synopsis than a query. I sympathize with how difficult queries are but I would try and condense this into one strong paragraph.

Young Jeremy's life is thrown into chaos by the 1802 drought in his native Scotland. The untimely loss of his parents forces Jeremy to fend for himself, and he is forced to bravely fight off anyone who attempts to steal his parents' possessions which are now so dear to him. Each night he earns a few meager pennies as a lamp boy, but when the infamous Duke St. Boys muscle in, Jeremy must pit his wits against them, and a growing list of foes. Soon, people learn he is not to be trifled with. One night he finds his shelter in flames and hunters waiting. Unbeknownst to him, he has inspired others with his courage and resolve. Now, they come to his aid, and Jeremy learns he's not alone after all.

User avatar
nlshippen
Posts: 19
Joined: October 26th, 2019, 5:53 pm
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Contact:

Re: Bleamy's Corner

Post by nlshippen » October 27th, 2019, 11:38 pm

Yes, I can see what hauntedsouls is saying above. Something I also have trouble with is knowing where a query ends and a synopsis begins.

As the story goes, this one is a beauty and sadly a common scenario today. It reads well and flows nicely. The protagonist is appealing and I would look forward to seeing him rise up from his circumstances.

It sounds like a great read.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Ahrefs [Bot] and 8 guests