Re: The House of Mirrors - Latest #4 on page 2
Posted: July 27th, 2010, 11:51 am
Twelve-year-old Sarah discovers that magic isn’t a load of guff when her little sister, Jane, vanishes right before her eyes. All that’s left is a set of glowing footprints that Sarah follows to a creepy mansion that certainly wasn’t there before. Sarah sneaks into the dusty house, scuffles with a thuggish teddy bear, and jumps into another world through a magic mirror.
That was the easy part.
Now she has to avoid the terrifying Hunters that are on her trail and their master, the Old God. He needs children’s souls to power his world and their bodies to shape into books. But Sarah has no intention of allowing some ancient monster to turn her into a paperback, so she sets out to beat the Old God, find Jane, and figure out a way to escape.
THE HOUSE OF MIRRORS is a 52,000-word contemporary fantasy adventure for nine-year-olds and up.
Hi Scribble. I read through all your posts and I think this story sounds so cute. In this version I have a couple of thoughts: "Now she has to avoid the terrifying Hunters that are on her trail and their master, the Old God" is a little confusing. You could cut "that are on her trail", or just reword the sentence so it doesn't sound like the Hunters are on their master.
I love the one liner, "That was the easy part" and also "thuggish teddy bear" and I miss "a little light reading", I thought it gave your query personality.
My only other thought was to add to what somewhat else already said. Change "for nine-year-olds and up" to middle grade.
Good luck!
That was the easy part.
Now she has to avoid the terrifying Hunters that are on her trail and their master, the Old God. He needs children’s souls to power his world and their bodies to shape into books. But Sarah has no intention of allowing some ancient monster to turn her into a paperback, so she sets out to beat the Old God, find Jane, and figure out a way to escape.
THE HOUSE OF MIRRORS is a 52,000-word contemporary fantasy adventure for nine-year-olds and up.
Hi Scribble. I read through all your posts and I think this story sounds so cute. In this version I have a couple of thoughts: "Now she has to avoid the terrifying Hunters that are on her trail and their master, the Old God" is a little confusing. You could cut "that are on her trail", or just reword the sentence so it doesn't sound like the Hunters are on their master.
I love the one liner, "That was the easy part" and also "thuggish teddy bear" and I miss "a little light reading", I thought it gave your query personality.
My only other thought was to add to what somewhat else already said. Change "for nine-year-olds and up" to middle grade.
Good luck!