A Room by the Sea (literary novel) query

[One of the Mad Ones]

Never done this before. Thanks ahead of time!

Dear [Agent’s Name],

It’s been a decade since nineteen-year-old Emily Fairfield’s mother died. Ever since, she has selectively preserved only positive memories of her mother, Laurie, and cultivated her same tastes in books, movies, and music. But when she moves to Sunset Beach, a stalled Southern California tourist town, where she and Laurie shared one perfect day together, Emily finds it difficult to keep her mother and her own identity intact.

Her reckless, party-girl roommate is an unsettling reminder of Laurie’s negligence and fatal addiction. Her literature professor with cold demeanor and a prosthetic hand prompts fearful student speculation, but it is his impossible standards and tendency to occupy her corner of the library that further dislodge Emily from her comfort zone. And then there’s Emily’s noisy, musician neighbor, Ben, whose life comes through the thin apartment wall unfiltered, threatening her retreat into solitude and unexpectedly providing a new source of comfort – music that perfectly mirrors her sadness. Emily struggles to navigate the foreign, unpredictable world of human relationships, but when Ben’s estranged father dies and he must return home to bury a man he hates, she is forced to learn quickly how to reciprocate compassion and, finally, knock down the walls she has built to protect her heart. Ultimately, she must choose between her connections to the living and her stranglehold on the past.

A ROOM BY THE SEA is an 80,200-word literary novel that will appeal to anyone who has experienced profound loss, those who have discovered their most intimate and private truths reflected in pop culture, and those who haven’t yet figured out who they are or where their real home is. It fits in the vein of CATCHER IN THE RYE, THE BELL JAR, and Lorrie Moore’s stories which, in addition to their wit, most notably reveal the acute loneliness and the startling compassion of humans.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
[me]

[sbs_mjc1]

It’s been a In the decade since nineteen-year-old Emily Fairfield’s mother died, . Ever since, she Emily has selectively preserved only positive memories of her mother, Laurie, and cultivated her same tastes in books, movies, and music. But when she moves to Sunset Beach, a stalled Southern California tourist town where she and Laurie shared one perfect day together, Emily finds it difficult to keep her mother and her own identity intact. carefully constructed version of the past-- and her own identity-- intact.

Her reckless, party-girl roommate is an unsettling reminder of Laurie’s negligence and fatal addiction. Her literature professor with cold demeanor and a prosthetic hand prompts fearful student speculation, but it is his impossible standards and tendency to occupy her corner of the library that further dislodge Emily from her comfort zone. And then there’s Emily’s noisy, musician neighbor, Ben, whose life comes through the thin apartment wall unfiltered, threatening her retreat into solitude and unexpectedly providing a new source of comfort – music that perfectly mirrors her sadness. Emily struggles to navigate the foreign, unpredictable world of human relationships, but when Ben’s estranged father dies and he must return home to bury a man he hates, she is forced to learn quickly how to reciprocate compassion and, finally, knock down the walls she has built to protect her heart. Ultimately, she must choose between her connections to the living and her stranglehold on the past.

A ROOM BY THE SEA is an 80,200-word literary novel that will appeal to anyone who has experienced profound loss, those who have discovered their most intimate and private truths reflected in pop culture, and those who haven’t yet figured out who they are or where their real home is. It fits in the vein of CATCHER IN THE RYE, THE BELL JAR, and Lorrie Moore’s stories which, in addition to their wit, most notably reveal the acute loneliness and the startling compassion of humans.

[One of the Mad Ones]

sbs:
I love your suggestions. And I was wary of that last paragraph, so thanks for helping me make that decision. I appreciate the feedback!

[thewhipslip]

Never done this before. Thanks ahead of time!

Dear [Agent’s Name],

It’s been a decade since nineteen-year-old Emily Fairfield’s mother died. Ever since, she has selectively preserved only positive memories of her mother, Laurie, and cultivated her same tastes in books, movies, and music. But when she moves to Sunset Beach, a stalled Southern California tourist town, where she and Laurie shared one perfect day together, Emily finds it difficult to keep her mother and her own identity intact. Nothing in this paragraph makes me really interested to read it. It's too vague. I would condense this into once sentence, such as: "It's been a decade since Emily's mother died. It's time to return to her roots." Something in that frame, and then go into the next paragraph.

Her reckless, party-girl roommate is an unsettling reminder of Laurie’s negligence and fatal addiction. Her literature professor with cold demeanor and a prosthetic hand prompts fearful student speculation Speculation about what? How he lost his hand?, but it is his impossible standards and tendency to occupy her corner of the library that further dislodge Emily from her comfort zone. And then there’s Emily’s noisy, musician neighbor, Ben, whose life comes through the thin apartment wall unfiltered, threatening her retreat into solitude and unexpectedly providing a new source of comfort – music that perfectly mirrors her sadness. Emily struggles to navigate the foreign, unpredictable world of human relationships, but when Ben’s estranged father dies and he must return home to bury a man he hates, she is forced to learn quickly how to reciprocate compassion and, finally, knock down the walls she has built to protect her heart How is she forced? She goes with Ben to the funeral? Be specific here. The conflict is what you want to tell us. Don't be vague about. Make me want to pick up your book and find out what happens.. Ultimately, she must choose between her connections to the living and her stranglehold on the past How and why must she choose? Conflict..

A ROOM BY THE SEA is an 80,200-word Round to the nearest thousandth: 80,000 words.literary novel that will appeal to anyone who has experienced profound loss, those who have discovered their most intimate and private truths reflected in pop culture, and those who haven’t yet figured out who they are or where their real home is. It fits in the vein of CATCHER IN THE RYE, THE BELL JAR, and Lorrie Moore’s stories which, in addition to their wit, most notably reveal the acute loneliness and the startling compassion of humans.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
[me]

[thewhipslip]

Oh yeah, and never say "literary novel". It's a novel. What else would it be besides literary?

[wilderness]

Never done this before. Thanks ahead of time!

Dear [Agent’s Name],

It’s been a decade since nineteen-year-old Emily Fairfield’s mother died. Ever since, she has selectively preserved only positive memories of her mother, Laurie, and cultivated her same tastes in books, movies, and music. But when she moves to Sunset Beach, a stalled Southern California tourist town, where she and Laurie shared one perfect day together, Emily finds it difficult to keep her mother and her own identity intact. I like the phrase "stalled Southern California tourist town" here.

Her reckless, party-girl roommate is an unsettling reminder of Laurie’s negligence and fatal addiction. Her literature professor with cold demeanor and a prosthetic hand prompts fearful student speculation, but it is his impossible standards and tendency to occupy her corner of the library that further dislodge Emily from her comfort zone. And then there’s Emily’s noisy, musician neighbor, Ben, whose life comes through the thin apartment wall unfiltered, threatening her retreat into solitude and unexpectedly providing a new source of comfort – music that perfectly mirrors her sadness. Emily struggles to navigate the foreign, unpredictable world of human relationships, but when Ben’s estranged father dies and he must return home to bury a man he hates, she is forced to learn quickly how to reciprocate compassion and, finally, knock down the walls she has built to protect her heart. Ultimately, she must choose between her connections to the living and her stranglehold on the past. Nice descriptions of the characters, but I think the sentences are too compact. I would break them down; they would be easier to follow. Finally, is there a climactic plot point that represents the external conflict? Because, as thewhipslip indicated, your last 2 lines are on the abstract side and a little redundant ("knock down the walls to her heart" is pretty much the same as releasing "her stranglehold on the past").

A ROOM BY THE SEA is an 80,200-word literary novel that will appeal to anyone who has experienced profound loss, those who have discovered their most intimate and private truths reflected in pop culture, and those who haven’t yet figured out who they are or where their real home is. It fits in the vein of CATCHER IN THE RYE, THE BELL JAR, and Lorrie Moore’s stories which, in addition to their wit, most notably reveal the acute loneliness and the startling compassion of humans. I agree with the others that the last paragraph should be cut. Especially comparisons to classic lit like Cather in the Rye. Agents have often mentioned that comparisons to huge bestsellers seems too cocky. Literary novel is fine; literary fiction (as opposed to commercial, mainstream, or genre fiction) is a valid term. However, you should round your word count to the nearest thousand "80,000".

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
[me]

[GeeGee55]

Never done this before. Thanks ahead of time!

Dear [Agent’s Name],

It’s been a decade since nineteen-year-old Emily Fairfield’s mother died. Ever since, she has selectively preserved only positive memories of her mother, Laurie, and cultivated her same tastes in books, movies, and music - not sure you need these extra details.- But when she moves to Sunset Beach, a stalled Southern California tourist town, where she and Laurie shared one perfect day together- I think together is implied and you dont' need it, Emily finds it difficult to keep her mother and her own identity intact.-this last is not really clear, since she has adopted her mother's tastes as mentioned above, do you mean she's having difficulty keeping her own identity separate from that of her mother's, or do you mean something else

Her reckless, party-girl roommate is an unsettling reminder of Laurie’s negligence and fatal addiction. Her literature professor with cold demeanor and a prosthetic hand prompts fearful student speculation, but it is his impossible standards and tendency to occupy her corner of the library that further dislodge Emily from her comfort zone.- I think you're trying go give too much info here, is it important that the professor has a prosthetic hand? And then there’s Emily’s noisy, musician neighbor, Ben, whose life comes through the thin apartment wall unfiltered, threatening her retreat into solitude and unexpectedly providing a new source of comfort – music that perfectly mirrors her sadness. Emily struggles to navigate the foreign, unpredictable world of human relationships, but- I'd cut this beginning clause and go straight to the action that follows when Ben’s estranged father dies and he must return home to bury a man he hates, she is forced to learn quickly how to reciprocate compassion and, finally, knock down the walls = cliche she has built to protect her heart. Ultimately, she must choose between her connections to the living and her stranglehold on the past.

A ROOM BY THE SEA is an 80,200-word literary novel that will appeal to anyone who has experienced profound loss, those who have discovered their most intimate and private truths reflected in pop culture, and those who haven’t yet figured out who they are or where their real home is. It fits in the vein of CATCHER IN THE RYE, THE BELL JAR, and Lorrie Moore’s stories which, in addition to their wit, most notably reveal the acute loneliness and the startling compassion of humans.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
[me]

Nathan had a post about specificity in queries and he recommended that writers be specific about the plot. I think if you search under specificity on the blog you will find it. It might be helpful for you. It sounds like an interesting story. Good luck with it.

[One of the Mad Ones]

Thanks, everybody! Such great suggestions, particularly the urge to be more specific. That's something I know my query really needs, and I'm trying to figure how to do it. It's one of those things - as the writer, it's hard sometimes to separate the important stuff from the rest and leave the lesser details for readers to find out later. I'm going to focus on relating the climactic plot point in particular. Again, thanks for your insights!

[atdeluca]

Dear [Agent’s Name],

It’s been a decade since nineteen-year-old Emily Fairfield’s mother died. Ever since, she has selectively preserved only positive memories of her mother, Laurie, In queries you don't want to introduce too many names, it is easier to remember and understand with relationship indicators instead. and cultivated her same tastes in books, movies, and music. But wWhen she moves to Sunset Beach, a stalled Southern California tourist town, where she and Lauriethey shared one perfect day together, Emily finds it difficult to keep her mother and her own identity intact.

Her reckless, party-girl roommate is an unsettling reminder of Laurie’sher mother's negligence and fatal addiction. Her literature professor with cold demeanor,and a prosthetic hand,prompts fearful student speculation, but it is his impossible standards and not needed and his tendency to occupy her corner of the library that further dislodges Emily from her comfort zone. [Paragraph break]

And then there’s Emily’s noisy, musician neighbor, Ben, whose life comes through the thin apartment wall unfiltered, threatening her retreat into solitude and too many details unexpectedly providing a new source of comfort – music that perfectly mirrors her sadness. Emily struggles to navigate the foreign, unpredictable world of human relationships, but when Ben’s estranged father dies and he must return home to bury a man he hates the story is about Emily, not Ben, she is forced to learn quickly how to reciprocate compassion and, finally, knock down the walls she has built to protect her heart. Ultimately, she must choose between her connections to the living and her stranglehold on the past.

A ROOM BY THE SEA is an 80,200-word literary novel. that will appeal to anyone who has experienced profound loss, those who have discovered their most intimate and private truths reflected in pop culture, and those who haven’t yet figured out who they are or where their real home is. Too dramatic It fits in the vein of CATCHER IN THE RYE, THE BELL JAR, and Lorrie Moore’s storieswhich, in addition to their wit, most notably reveal the acute loneliness and the startling compassion of humans. Don't tell us about other authors, tell us about YOUR work

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
[me]