Query: YA Fantasy

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katemargaret
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Query: YA Fantasy

Post by katemargaret » February 17th, 2023, 4:51 pm

Hello writers, I'm looking for some feedback on the synopsis portion of my query letter. The book is YA Fantasy, loads of twists and turns, and I've had some trouble narrowing down the important points. I'd love to hear your thoughts, thanks for reading!

Everly Peris was just an average sixteen year-old girl, born in Akravahsta, with mediocre powers. But when she crosses the impenetrable veil to Empyriam, she discovers that everything she knew about her past was a lie. Magic has brought her home, to the land where she was born, to a web of secrets and a conspiracy that puts her life in danger.

The Ternion was long gone, the key to unlimited power was destroyed and the cursed tome sealed shut forever. Only someone wants to reignite its magic, make it whole again, and if they want the world to bow at their feet, they’ll need Everly to bring down the veil.

On the run from fearsome foes, Everly meets Noa Berrie, the avid scholar, an aspiring warrior named Cressia, the rambunctious Psyler, and the cousins, Sydnee and Blu. Coincidence, it seems, has brought them together, but destiny has played its hand.

As an ancient prophecy comes to light, unearthing the hidden history of the Ternion, the six strangers find themselves intrinsically bound to its protection. The fate of Empyriam is laid before them, a destiny that may just kill them, which begs the question:

How are six teenagers supposed to save the world?

ViditM
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Re: Query: YA Fantasy

Post by ViditM » May 4th, 2023, 5:34 pm

1. Too many names. Decide who is your central character. It can be a place also. It can be Everly or it can be Empyriam or the Ternion.

For eg. Empyriam was a land of magic but its source was destroyed. Oblivious Everly is the key to unsheathing this lost power. Trapped in an unknown world, where Everly is being maneuvered like a pawn, Everly has to decide whether to accept her destiny of protecting this magical land or go against her destiny by destroying it.

(The above might not be completely accurate. But I hope you get an idea from it.)

Refer Nathan's blog for hashing out the elements of your pitch. It will become crystal after you use his template.

katemargaret
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Re: Query: YA Fantasy

Post by katemargaret » May 20th, 2023, 5:09 am

ViditM wrote: May 4th, 2023, 5:34 pm 1. Too many names. Decide who is your central character. It can be a place also. It can be Everly or it can be Empyriam or the Ternion.

For eg. Empyriam was a land of magic but its source was destroyed. Oblivious Everly is the key to unsheathing this lost power. Trapped in an unknown world, where Everly is being maneuvered like a pawn, Everly has to decide whether to accept her destiny of protecting this magical land or go against her destiny by destroying it.

(The above might not be completely accurate. But I hope you get an idea from it.)

Refer Nathan's blog for hashing out the elements of your pitch. It will become crystal after you use his template.
Thank you so much! The other characters are important to the story so I thought I would include them but it's definitely cluttered. Thanks for the example, it's really helping me get to the root of the plot.

maymarilyn
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Re: Query: YA Fantasy

Post by maymarilyn » July 25th, 2023, 11:23 am

A lush gothic fantasy about monsters and magic, set on the banks of a cursed lake. Perfect for fans of Naomi Novik and Brigid Kemmerer.

Thamoss
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Re: Query: YA Fantasy

Post by Thamoss » December 9th, 2023, 6:22 am

Streamline your narrative with a focal point—whether it's a character like Everly, a place such as Empyriam, or the overarching concept of the Ternion.
For example, imagine Empyriam, a realm once brimming with magic until its source was obliterated. Unaware of her pivotal role, Everly holds the key to restoring this lost power. Trapped in an unfamiliar realm where Everly is manipulated like a pawn, she faces the dilemma of embracing her destiny to safeguard this enchanted land or defying fate by bringing about its destruction.

(Note: The provided example may not be entirely accurate, but it illustrates the concept.)

For a more refined approach, consult Nathan's blog to untangle the elements of your pitch. Following his template will bring clarity to your narrative.

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