The Grateful Undead: They're So Vein
Posted: June 21st, 2010, 5:38 pm
Thanks for the help. I have hard skin - lay it on me.
THE GRATEFUL UNDEAD: THEY'RE SO VEIN is a chick-lit, urban fantasy, completed at 88,000 words.
One day I'm fifty-eight - the next day I'm a vampire looking twenty-five, and every estrogen producing family member wants a piece of the action. What a mess.
When you pray for something, be specific. Expand on 'how' you think your requests would best suit your needs. And for God's sake, make a list of 'don'ts' and go over them with Him. In detail. Don't go off willy-nilly on a praying tangent.
In my case, the 'don'ts' would have been especially helpful. I should have said outright that I didn't want to live for an eternity sucking blood for sustenance. No. Stupid me. I merely asked to live a long healthy life and hinted (not even hinted, really; it was just a side thought) that I wouldn't mind starting over while keeping the knowledge I possessed today. And if a better set of tits and less wrinkles were involved, I certainly wouldn't complain.
Well, He answered my prayers, alright. That's when things went from down right crazy…
…to a shit-load of undead family members.
My older daughter, completely happy with her mortal life, tried to reason with the rest of the girls. Did they listen? Hell no! I looked twenty-five years younger…
…they looked…well…old…
…a domino effect quickly ensued.
We soon found out feedin' ain't easy.
My sister - a real pain in my ass BTW - turned a raccoon into a vampoon. Talk about screwing up the whole eco-system!
My vamped-out eighty-three year old mother, mixing blood with pleasure, began to seize, with gusto, the moments she'd missed in her sexually deficient life. Trouble is, she lost a few along the way.
That's when we got the attention of the Morizzio Cartel, and they sent Paul the resident Werewolf to our door with a warning. The big bad wolf phased into human form right in front of us - damn, he was sexy naked.
We were finally shown the error of our ways - being immortal wasn't all about vanity. Go figure.
Being sentenced to an eternity of immortal critter control wasn't what I'd fanged up for, either.
THE GRATEFUL UNDEAD: THEY'RE SO VEIN is a chick-lit, urban fantasy, completed at 88,000 words.
One day I'm fifty-eight - the next day I'm a vampire looking twenty-five, and every estrogen producing family member wants a piece of the action. What a mess.
When you pray for something, be specific. Expand on 'how' you think your requests would best suit your needs. And for God's sake, make a list of 'don'ts' and go over them with Him. In detail. Don't go off willy-nilly on a praying tangent.
In my case, the 'don'ts' would have been especially helpful. I should have said outright that I didn't want to live for an eternity sucking blood for sustenance. No. Stupid me. I merely asked to live a long healthy life and hinted (not even hinted, really; it was just a side thought) that I wouldn't mind starting over while keeping the knowledge I possessed today. And if a better set of tits and less wrinkles were involved, I certainly wouldn't complain.
Well, He answered my prayers, alright. That's when things went from down right crazy…
…to a shit-load of undead family members.
My older daughter, completely happy with her mortal life, tried to reason with the rest of the girls. Did they listen? Hell no! I looked twenty-five years younger…
…they looked…well…old…
…a domino effect quickly ensued.
We soon found out feedin' ain't easy.
My sister - a real pain in my ass BTW - turned a raccoon into a vampoon. Talk about screwing up the whole eco-system!
My vamped-out eighty-three year old mother, mixing blood with pleasure, began to seize, with gusto, the moments she'd missed in her sexually deficient life. Trouble is, she lost a few along the way.
That's when we got the attention of the Morizzio Cartel, and they sent Paul the resident Werewolf to our door with a warning. The big bad wolf phased into human form right in front of us - damn, he was sexy naked.
We were finally shown the error of our ways - being immortal wasn't all about vanity. Go figure.
Being sentenced to an eternity of immortal critter control wasn't what I'd fanged up for, either.