Hey, I recently rewrote my query letter after a round of unsuccessful querying. Any input, critique, or suggestion would be greatly appreciated!
Dear [agent],
Sixteen-year-old Emelia Callow has been able to control animals as long as she could speak – a forbidden magic once thought eradicated by the kingdom. Only days after senselessly using a flock of birds to defend her brother against village guards, the soldiers arrive. But they don’t want to kill her; they want to recruit her.
While attempting to understand her ability’s significance, Emelia discovers the kingdom’s plan to find and capture the winter beast, an immortal creature believed to be a god. She soon realizes her magic gives her the potential to control the beast, and thus, life itself. To the kingdom, she is the perfect pawn in their unjust war, the secret to finally eradicating magic.
As Emelia evades capture, ancient creatures of ice and wind return from dormancy, killing most in her village – and threatening the lives of her family – overnight. According to legend, the creatures are only pacified by the winter beast’s release from its centuries of imprisonment.
Finding and freeing the beast would mean ending the destruction and saving her family. But letting it remain hidden would mean keeping it from the clutches of the soldiers and saving what little magic remains.
Query: YA High Fantasy
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