Re: Query: VALENTINE, New Revision & stuff
Posted: May 23rd, 2010, 1:57 am
This is a nice revision. It flows better and I don't think you have to cover all the themes and every twist of the plot in the query. This is intriguing. Adam has a complex web of issues and difficult decisions to make, even while his mind may or may not be whole.rainbowsheeps wrote:
Dear Specific Agent,
Nineteen-year-old Adam tried to kill himself. His biggest regret is that his five-year-old sister, Evelyn, found him bleeding on the floor. Every night, he tucks her into bed and hopes to find a way to make it up to her.
But one day, Adam meets seventeen-year-old Cherith, and his life changes. They fall in love, and he's happy for the first time he can remember. Even when Cherith tells him she has cancer, Adam promises to stay with her, always. Nightmares start to haunt him, though. He relives his suicide attempt and sees the pain he caused Evelyn, again and again.
When Cherith collapses on Valentine's night, the dreams change from death and agony to radiant beauty. Every time he falls asleep, he meets Cherith in the tunnel of love in a carnival made completely of lights, or he dances with her under the violet skies, in the red grass blades of what he thinks is heaven. *The "and" kept jarring me from a nicely described scene. Just a suggestion.* The visions seep into real life, and both his chances of helping Evelyn and keeping his promise to Cherith seem to be slipping away. But Adam desperately wants to believe his dreams are showing him a way Cherith and he can be together forever... if only it wouldn't mean leaving Evelyn behind.
VALENTINE is a work of literary fiction of approximately 110,000 words. [Personalized info.]