Nathan Bransford - The Forums

In the process of drafting queries. I wrote a few synopsis queries. Which reads better? (I realize the first and third are similar, but if anyone has a slight preference, please let me know.)

1. The town of Ashford has many secrets, but none like the one surrounding St. Margaret's School for Girls. But when a bag of bones falls on twelve-year old Julia, she finds herself thrown into a world of magic, murder and misfit ghosts. Something's amiss in the spirit realm, and her new friend Lyle isn't much help. But between bargaining with the dead and digging for clues, Julia must unravel the story behind the bones before the Reaper claims them all.

2. Bodies belong in the graveyard and children at school. But when a bag of bones falls on twelve-year old Julia, she finds herself thrown from St. Margaret's and into the cemetery down the street. Her new neighbors aren't so lively, and there's a boy following her with a haunted violin. Between bargaining with ghouls and looking for a new home, Julia soon realizes there’s a lot more to the town's history than meets the eye. Not every terror lives in the spirit realm, and some are dying to cover their tracks, whatever the costs.

3. The town of Ashford has many secrets, but none like the one surrounding St. Margaret's School for Girls. But when when a bag of bones falls on twelve-year old Julia, she finds herself thrown into a world of half-truths and misfit spirits. Her new friend Lyle isn't much help, but between bargaining with ghouls and sidestepping the Reaper, Julia must unravel the story behind the bones and why no one ever came to claim them.

Thanks in advance!

To me, the 2nd one catches my attention more

I like #2 also.

Definitely #2. 1 & 3 both come across as a bit vague; #2 is more clear about what's going on and what's at stake. Also, #2 has intriguing details like the haunted violin.

My vote's for #2

Two. Looks like it's unanimous.

Without a doubt, #2.