Defender: Return of the Harkers

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theWallflower
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Defender: Return of the Harkers

Post by theWallflower » November 18th, 2014, 4:39 pm

Trying something with a little more voice here on this go-round.
I am seeking literary representation and hope you will consider my fantasy novel, DEFENDER: RETURN OF THE HARKERS.

Before school even starts, Caden is caught with a knife he's not allowed to have. Not because it's a weapon. The academy allows knights are allowed to have weapons, because they're training to kill cryptids that menace villages. The problem is that Caden is a synergist. A healer.

Caden hears this from Vice-Headmaster Meech over and over -- synergists are not allowed to have weapons or train in combat. No matter how much he complains that he's the only boy in his discipline, or live in the dorm with the girls, or his warrior's build and lust for battle.

Meech asks him to try to make friends, and Caden thinks of the prank war his dorm has with the boys. Or his roommate Alise who, although two years ahead, keeps sending him mixed messages. Or his only friend Nixie, whose alchemy partners seems like a constant party. Or the dueling club that rejected him outright. Nonetheless, Meech says, he is a synergist and having a knife like this in his possession is grounds for expulsion.

"It's a scramasax," Caden replies.

DEFENDER: RETURN OF THE HARKERS is complete at 91,000 words and is the first of a planned series. It is inspired by works like Looking for Alaska and Harry Potter. I have been previously published in "Electric Spec", received an honorable mention in the 2010 "Writers of the Future" contest, and had my first novel MERM-8, published by Musa Publishing in Fall 2014.

If you're interested in taking a look at DEFENDER, I'd love to send the manuscript for your review. In any event, thank you for your time.
Waterworld meets The Little Mermaid
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MERM-8: Now available from Musa Publishing

Denisa
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Re: Defender: Return of the Harkers

Post by Denisa » November 20th, 2014, 2:48 am

theWallflower wrote:
Trying something with a little more voice here on this go-round.
I am seeking literaryrepresentationand hope you will consider for my fantasy novel, DEFENDER: RETURN OF THE HARKERS.

Before school even starts, Caden is caught with a knife he's not allowed to have. Not because it's a weapon. The academy allows knights are allowedto have weapons, because they're training to kill cryptids that menace villages. The problem is that Caden is a synergist. A healer.Is there a reason why only knights are allowed to have weapons?

Caden hears this from Vice-Headmaster Meech over and over -- synergists are not allowed to have weapons or train in combat. No matter how much he complains that he's the only boy in his discipline, or live in the dorm with the girls, or his warrior's build and lust for battle. This sentence needs to be reworded. And it seems to me that it's missing some info: No matter how much he complains...., or...., or.....things never get better(or something like that).

Meech asks him to try to make friends, and Caden thinks of the prank war his dorm has with the boys. Or his roommate Alise who, although two years ahead, keeps sending him mixed messages.This is telling, not showing. And do you really need this? I still don't know what the story is about. You need to give us more plot. Or his only friend Nixie, whose alchemy partners seems like a constant party. Or the dueling club that rejected him outright. Nonetheless, Meech says, he is a synergist and having a knife like this in his possession is grounds for expulsion.

"It's a scramasax," Caden replies.I know you know what a scramasaxis, but the rest of us don't. It's confusing because we have no idea why is the knife important, and why did Caden have it? What does he use it for? You have no stakes here? We have no idea.

DEFENDER: RETURN OF THE HARKERS is complete at 91,000 words and is the first of a planned serieswith series potential. It is inspired by works like Looking for Alaska and Harry Potter. I have been previously published in "Electric Spec", received an honorable mention in the 2010 "Writers of the Future" contest, and had my first novel MERM-8, published by Musa Publishing in Fall 2014.

If you're interested in taking a look at DEFENDER, I'd love to send the manuscript for your review. In any event, thank you for your time.

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theWallflower
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Re: Defender: Return of the Harkers

Post by theWallflower » December 4th, 2014, 10:01 am

This one was partially written by someone kind enough to offer a different take. This one's more straight. Personally, I think it's more boring, has less voice, but it gets across the information.

I am seeking representation for my YA secondary world fantasy novel, DEFENDER: RETURN OF THE HARKERS.

Sixteen-year-old Caden doesn't want to train to be a healer. He wants to become a knight, defending the kingdom's villages from monstrous cryptids and other threats. Knights get all the action, all the glory, and all the girls. But Caden's talents are too valuable to be risked in combat. So the academy places him among the girls in the synergy division, no matter that he'd rather be slicing off someone's arm than reattaching it.

His classmates see him as either an annoyance or some kind of pet, as he's the only boy currently undergoing healer training. He tries to fit in and make a few friends. There's Alise, the dorm's residing mentor who finds it amusing to break the rules. And Nixie, Caden's best friend and alchemist, who builds machines and creates elaborate pranks with her fellow trainees.

But he's already on probation with Vice-Headmaster Meech for trying to bring a dagger into the academy. He's rejected and laughed at by the dueling club, and cajoled into playing pranks on other dorms.

All the school stuff seems unimportant when he starts finding clues about the Harkers -- a blood cult thought extinct that could summon horrifying behemoths. They may be recruiting members within the academy's walls. And if they regain their strength, everything Caden wanted could be destroyed.
Waterworld meets The Little Mermaid
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MERM-8: Now available from Musa Publishing

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