Query: Daughters of Meduse

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tree
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Query: Daughters of Meduse

Post by tree » July 11th, 2014, 3:38 pm

Hi everyone! I'm a newbie to these forums, though I have been on query critiquing boards in the past. I've a new query that I've been working out and would love some feedback to make it better. Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read and make suggestions!

Dear Awesome Agent:

Vee Mason will not kill her best friend’s father.

She has the power to do it with a single glance. It’s her duty as a Gorgon to protect mortals from harm, and his abuse has been escalating for years. He’s exactly the kind of person the Gorgons are supposed to go after.

But protocol has kept their kind alive for millennia, and the Oracle didn’t see his face in her dreams. No vision, no kill. No matter what.

Plus, if Vee’s mom and the other elders found out that she’d been seeing her old friend – well, associating with mortals after coming into your power is a capital offence.

So no. It’s not going to happen.

Until the Oracle asks the gods instead of waiting for them to send her a dream-mail, and learns that if Vee doesn’t stop him, he will kill. Multiple times.

That’s it for Vee. She will save her friend, even it if means defying the powerful elders and risking her life to work with a mortal – the boy she loves but had to leave behind. But she’s risking more than her life … her old boyfriend is hiding a secret that could result in the decimation of the Gorgons.

DAUGHTERS OF MEDUSA is a 90,000 page YA fantasy novel that is similar to books like … on your list. I’m a lawyer, mom and connoisseur of good books and bad tv. This is my first novel.

longknife
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Re: Query: Daughters of Meduse

Post by longknife » July 12th, 2014, 8:13 pm

I'm torn about this.

It's well written and appears to be a most interesting concept. It's the right length for the genre.

But, there's something I just can't put my finger on. I don't know if an agent would go beyond the first couple of sentences but can't tell you why.

Anyhow, good luck with it.
Drop by Father Serra's Legacy http://msgdaleday.blogspot.com. Comments always eagerly awaited - but only if you find the item interesting enough to respond to.

BriSwi
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Re: Query: Daughters of Meduse

Post by BriSwi » August 27th, 2014, 4:40 pm

I see this is an older query- I would be curious how things wet with it.

I'm with the poster above- your query is very well formed, but there is something about it that keeps it from clicking. In my case it was when I got down to dream mail- that ade too many things that I didn't know what was. I believe if I had 50 other queries in my slush pile rather than take the time to find out more I would just go on to the next one.

Anyway, that's one guy's opinion.

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