Query for A TAINT IN PUTNAM

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boatbuilder
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Joined: February 13th, 2013, 12:16 pm
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Query for A TAINT IN PUTNAM

Post by boatbuilder » April 8th, 2014, 11:15 pm

I would appreciate any comments you would be willing to give on this thing. I call it a thing because I’m still not sure it resembles a query. Thank you all in advance.

Dear Prudence

As the embedded email photo loaded, reality slipped into nightmare for Bobbi Johnson. The recurring nightmare followed a bullet into the body of an innocent young woman placed as a human shield. An innocent American chained in a cave in Afghanistan.

That last mission had ruined the squad. The emotional break it caused had some still in mental wards. Bobbi had realized that she could no longer be the man she had been. She had not been idle why she waited for Homeland Security to find a place for her. The search engine that delivered the email was part of it. Though an undercover operation was planned for tonight she could call and find out why the alert was four months overdue.

After learning a little about the abduction Bobbi gave her theory of it as a business venture. With no proof it had the same value as the single psychotic theory. By the time Bobbi could get to Florida things had changed. Another girl had been abducted who didn’t fit the profile. The girl’s boss had managed to rescue her. He also brought in the first evidence. The momentum of the investigation takes a sharp turn. It seems that the girls weren’t the perpetrator’s only business. Warnings of intercepted chatter centered on the area are remembered but it is late in the game and the investigators are overly extended.


A TAINT IN PUTNAM is a completed 110,000 word novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration

kenpochick
Posts: 84
Joined: March 12th, 2010, 4:41 pm
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Re: Query for A TAINT IN PUTNAM

Post by kenpochick » April 17th, 2014, 7:46 pm

Hi there,

I think you need to focus. I couldn't understand any of this.

Try to focus on: 1) Who is your protagonist? 2) What do they want? 3)What is in their way? 4)What happens if they fail?

Good luck. I hate queries too. :-)

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