Query: Kolin Grey and The Misty Moors Academy

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brownwr
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Query: Kolin Grey and The Misty Moors Academy

Post by brownwr » March 26th, 2021, 3:13 pm

Hello Everyone,

I am new to the forum, and this is my first query letter. I am hoping for a little critiquing and feedback.
Thank you in advance!

Kolin Grey and his twin sister Kaira find themselves hurled into a world their parents left behind. When a former Professor enters their store, turning their world upside down. Left with no options, their parents return to the life they left behind, leading to their deaths at the hands of the Order of Night. A group that practices dark wizardry.

Trying their best to adapt, Kolin and Kaira now live with their Grandmother Eleanor Grey, a virtual stranger near the town of Greymorr. A place that chooses not to adopt modern ways. Greymorr and the villages around it would be as if one traveled back to the early nineteen hundreds.

Kolin and Kaira never fit in at their school in the city. For some reason, making friends was not easy, and unable to relate to their classmates. They now attend the same academy as their parents did. An academy that teaches more than your basic subjects, unless you count wand-making basic. They make two new friends, which they can relate to in Avery Stansberry and Walter Thornton.

Kolin and Kaira cannot sit idly by and start unraveling the trail that leads to their parent's actual killers with help from their friends. Bit by bit Kolin and Kaira learn more about their parent's magical past and why they kept it a secret.

Kolin Grey and the Misty Moors Academy is complete at 78,000 words of Middle-grade fiction and available at your request. It would appeal to fans of Harry Potter.

brownwr
Posts: 5
Joined: March 22nd, 2021, 2:33 pm
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Re: Query: Kolin Grey and The Misty Moors Academy

Post by brownwr » March 30th, 2021, 3:27 pm

Please, rip this query to shreds because I want it to be good.

brownwr
Posts: 5
Joined: March 22nd, 2021, 2:33 pm
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Re: Query: Kolin Grey and The Misty Moors Academy

Post by brownwr » April 1st, 2021, 10:56 am

Take Two

Kolin Grey and his twin sister Kaira find themselves hurled into a world their parents left behind. Magic is dangerous in the wrong hands and all their parents wanted was to keep them safe. When their parent's former Professor enters their store, turning their world upside down by telling them their family's fate and countless others are at stake. Left with no options, their parents return to their former life, leading to their deaths at the hands of the Order of Night. A group that practices dark wizardry.

Trying their best to adapt, Kolin and Kaira now live with their Grandmother Eleanor Grey, a virtual stranger near the town of Greymorr. A place that chooses not to adopt modern ways. Greymorr and the villages around it would be as if one traveled back to the early nineteen hundreds.

Kolin and Kaira never fit in at their school in the city. Kolin's adventuresome nature led to trouble, and Kaira was too busy daydreaming. For some reason, making friends was not easy, and unable to relate to their classmates. They now attend the same academy as their parents did. An academy that teaches more than your basic subjects, unless you count wand-making basic. They make two new friends in Avery Stansberry and Walter Thornton.

Kolin and Kaira cannot sit idly by and start unraveling the trail that leads to their parent's killers with help from their friends. Bit by bit Kolin and Kaira learn more about their parent's magical past and why they kept it a secret.

brownwr
Posts: 5
Joined: March 22nd, 2021, 2:33 pm
Contact:

Re: Query: Kolin Grey and The Misty Moors Academy

Post by brownwr » April 1st, 2021, 11:03 am

I used this to answer some questions. It is every helpful.
https://nathanbransford.com/blog/2020/1 ... y-critique

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