Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Aw, GeeGee55, your comment on WilliamMJones' thread about your excerpt being ignored made me sad. I think it would help if you hit "return" after each paragraph, so that the post doesn't look like a gigantic, daunting block of text. Then maybe more people would comment? I did that below, a...

Anyone going to the SCBWI conference in LA and want to meet up? From the other thread on conferences, looks like maybegenius, SusanQuinn and I will be there.

Susan,
maybegenius and I will be there. I'm going to start a new thread about the conference in case anyone else is going but hasn't checked this one. I didn't get into the YA voice workshop, boo.

Hi Greg, Thanks very much for the suggestions. It's great to get feedback from someone who reads a lot of historical fiction. Leo actually isn't the Crown Prince (son of the Tsar), but rather, a nobleman with the hereditary title of "Prince" (his grandfather was awarded the Order of St. Ge...

thewhipslip,
You are definitely on the right track. This query resonated with me so much more. The MC and plot come through, and you still have voice. I agree with wilderness's comments. Good luck as you fine-tune.

I think you're right. Kent and Lauren as the final two.

Hey BethC, I wouldn't mention the lost prophecy if it's not solved in the book. I think most agents want to see you pitching only one book, so even if they end up falling in love with it and trying to sell it as a series, best to keep that second manuscript (and the unsolved lost prophecy) in your b...

BethC, I think this is smooth and easy to read, and the story is great. You managed to capture voice in the synopsis, and you also made me care about Presley and Reid. That's hard to do in a synopsis, so you deserve kudos for that. I don't think you need to mention Jack, though. When I started readi...

Good voice and premise, but I have to admit that you lost me on the query. I think it needs to be tightened up, and, as the other commenters noted, you can cut back on the jokes. They feel like an outside narrator interrupting the story with his own commentary and a completely different voice. Some ...

Didn't mean to ignore the others who have commented on my prologue. Thanks to everyone for the thoughtful and constructive advice!

Thanks for the kind words, BethC. To answer your question, the part about Lena's death being Leo's fault is a smaller part of the story, so I left the backstory out of the synopsis. It's part of him and Helene figuring out how she got from 19th C Russia to 21st C America. I see what your saying, tho...

Glad you weren't too heartbroken over changing Cullen's name. You've probably figured it out by now, but "Cullen" is Edward (the star vampire)'s last name. The Twilight craze shot the name Cullen to the top of the Baby Boy name list this year.

Thanks, Meredith! Great suggestions that will go into my revised prologue.

Hi Meredith, Overall, this is pretty smooth, with a good mix of action and detail to make us feel sympathetic toward MC from the get-go. A few comments below, hope it helps. I've just been through a revision, mostly of the first chapters of this. Here's the first page and a half, or so: Chapter 1: A...

This is fun! My WIP has two POV characters: Leo, a 19th century prince, and Helene, a 21st girl (both are teens). I plugged in Leo's first chapter, and IWL said I write like Dan Brown. Then I plugged in Helene's first chapter, and I got Stephenie Meyer. I know a lot of you don't think Dan Brown and ...