Nathan Bransford - The Forums

An interesting mystery thriller with a downbeat ending. Your synopsis is clear and succinct, Just one quibble:- “She is able to log into his laptop after a couple of unsuccessful attempts and discovers a lab document. She realizes who is the killer. She tries to log into his laptop but cannot guess ...

I'm not quite sure about Deep POV being the latest rage. Your piece seems in a fairly normal POV to me. Perhaps I am just so used to Deep POV that I take it for granted. Anyway, I'll just reproduce your piece with a few suggestions:- Gideon awoke to the blare of sirens. A bright light hurt his eyes ...

Illustrious? But I don't have any tatoos! Oh, wait... But seriously, thanks to you, Nathan for creating this place and to my esteemed predecessors as moderators, and to all the many members. When you started these forums I had absolutely no idea the publishing industry would still be alive and activ...

To visit, live, or invade? Canada is closer for invasion and we have more experience, having invaded it five times during the 1812 War. Also see “SOUTH PARK THE MOVIE”. But do be careful, those wily Canadians have been lulling us into a false sense of security now for 200 years! New Zealand might be...

I assume (and hope!) your roof is flat, unless you straddle its apex, which would quite literally be PEAK creativity! My roof slopes at 45 degrees. Speaking of songs, I could probably fiddle on my roof, if I knew how to fiddle. But I write on a computer in an ordinary room, which does have a view of...

A very good question, Nathan! My answer(s) might be all of the above, depending on the story. But I've always been drawn to the Observer/Narrator POV, the “Watson/Boswell” approach, as in James Boswell's biography of his friend Dr. Samuel Johnson, in non-fiction, and the Sherlock Holmes stories and ...

The Soham Station Incident It was June second, 1944. Benjamin Gimbert adjusted his cap and looked out over the Whitemoor Marshalling yard. A thick haze clung above the cargo cars blacking out any light cast down by the celestial bodies. The smell of coal soot and hot iron rails permeated every cubi...

Interesting, SubatomicHobo! And based on a real event. But it's not a query. You might consider moving it to 'Excerpts'.

This is a short, sharp and interesting piece that I liked. I did not find the dialogue and plot cheesy. Mysterious yes, but intriguing. Are the bracketed words and phrases part of the text or notes to yourself? The piece is present tense but you do lapse into past tense a few times, as in:- “A sudde...

30 tabs open in the brain? I know the feeling, Becky! Plus pop-ups and error messages galore in my brain at times. And amen regarding thanks to Nathan! While these forums can be quiet at times there are always people online, no doubt exploring the 200,000 posts (!) by 3,500 members over 9 years so f...

This is certainly intriguing and different! I quite like it. The protagonist's narration is distinctive and formal but not obscurely antique, and conveys character and setting very succinctly. I'm curious to hear other readers' comments.

My understanding is that one does not query agents until the novel is complete. Only then do they (and you) know that you can tell the whole story.

While you described the characters interestingly in the second query, the first query's concentration on just Briseis and Achilles may be more effective, telling us what you intend to emphasize in the Troy story. One addition I might make to the first query is to spell out that it is about the Troja...

Interesting, Muse_Clio. I like this. You rightly concentrate on your take on the characters, given the basic story is so well-known. I see you've posted a different version in the 'Nominate your query for a critique on the blog' section. I'll leave that to Nathan except to say I actually prefer that...

Yes, but there are several different types of 3rd person POV. Take your first chapter for example. This is told from Rebecca's POV until her death. The POV is less specific after that but appears to be Mrs. Claus' POV since she notices things and gets an idea, both of which are her internal thoughts...