Search found 93 matches
- February 1st, 2010, 5:57 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Dreamtraveler Query: Covenant (YA Fantasy)
- Replies: 17
- Views: 7214
Re: Dreamtraveler Query: Covenant (YA Fantasy)
Okay, here's some specifics. I took liberties with writing a long paragraph because I will not have anything else to include in a query as I don't have any "credits" to my name. (other than a few goofy contests) (Same here...*sigh*) So, I know this is long, but here goes: This is for the b...
- February 1st, 2010, 12:02 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Kill My Query Mk-IV
- Replies: 19
- Views: 7543
Re: Kill my Query Mk-2
Me again. :) I think both blurbs have strong points. I think combining them might work well. More specific suggetions below. Since the murder of his parents a year ago, twenty-six-year-old Lucas Fowler has been avoiding death more than living life. But when a mind-controlling rogue wants him to kill...
- January 31st, 2010, 9:16 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query advice for Time Tourism
- Replies: 2
- Views: 1386
Re: Query advice for Time Tourism
Dear Great and Noble Agent of Oz, I am seeking representation. (If you're querying, this goes without saying.) My completed manuscript, “Time Tourism,” is a fantasy-adventure-romance chapter book with a target audience of young adult readers, but will also appeal to older adults. (narrow your genre ...
- January 31st, 2010, 11:10 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: query - dirge of the desert
- Replies: 25
- Views: 7509
Re: query - dirge of the desert
To me the query didn't feel too long, but...it is pretty long, now that I look at it. If there's any easy (or not-so-easy) cuts you can make, make them. I made some suggestions; hope they help! Dear Agent: After waking up covered in panther fur and with no memory of her past, Dima quickly learns th...
- January 30th, 2010, 11:48 am
- Forum: Writing
- Topic: Attachment to your first draft?
- Replies: 11
- Views: 4524
Re: Attachment to your first draft?
I had that same problem a few months ago. I was pretty darn set on having a few events in the story stay the same from first to second draft because I loved certain phrases and couldn't stand parting with them. Then I decided it was time to have someone critique my work. I don't know about anyone el...
- January 30th, 2010, 1:22 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: query - dirge of the desert
- Replies: 25
- Views: 7509
Re: query - dirge of the desert
Dear Agent: After waking (up) covered in black fur and with no memory of her past, Dima quickly learns that her life is not hers to control. Her name, her daily schedule, and her decisions belong to the scientists behind the Humani Project. (Loved this hook. Such an improvement!!) As she interacts ...
- January 29th, 2010, 5:29 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Of Shadows And Angels - Query about a query
- Replies: 10
- Views: 3977
Re: Of Shadows And Angels - Query about a query
Hey Hillsy! Here's my thoughts. Hope they help. :) I wasn't a fan of the first, so I'm critiquing the second. Hey, Query 2: Backstory Heavy - 243 words Some called Phantoms parasites, others survivors - what can’t be denied is that they changed the world forever. (Interesting! Sounds like an alien t...
- January 29th, 2010, 5:10 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query - The Butterfly Key
- Replies: 13
- Views: 4503
Re: Query - The Butterfly Key
Hey Tycoon! More feedback, comin' right up! Dear Agent, Devastated by the recent miscarriage of her baby and inundated by a constant, never-ending crush of emotions (we can assume that having a miscarriage is traumatizing) , Nicole Kuefler is embroiled in an agonizing conflict against God and His so...
- January 29th, 2010, 5:01 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Dreamtraveler Query: Covenant (YA Fantasy)
- Replies: 17
- Views: 7214
Re: Dreamtraveler Query: Covenant (YA Fantasy)
Here's an early paragraph from one of my very first queries. This actually got me a request for a full ms, but I also had met the agent in person, which I believe gave me a huge advantage. See what you think: (BTW--I no longer use rhetorical questions, but I let it be since this was how I originall...
- January 29th, 2010, 4:51 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: The Ghost Posts a Query - 4th try
- Replies: 26
- Views: 9489
Re: The Ghost Posts a Query - Yikes and Away!
Hey Ghost! Thanks for critiquing my query. I think I might have to steal the phrase "miracle-sundae." My MC would say that in a heartbeat! :) I will be happy to destroy your query! *taps fingers together evilly* I purposefully didn't read the other comments so that I can tell you my exact...
- January 27th, 2010, 10:04 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Query: Defender of the Crown v4
- Replies: 11
- Views: 4048
Re: Query: Defender of the Crown v4
Alright, how's this? (gettin' better! :) ) Some of the changes are small and subtle, but I think they make a big difference...what do you think? Dear [Agent], After accidentally creating a lightning storm that killed a boy from his school, thirteen year old (hyphenate age?) Nicholas Benson enrolls ...
- January 27th, 2010, 9:49 am
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Dreamtraveler Query: Covenant (YA Fantasy)
- Replies: 17
- Views: 7214
Re: Dreamtraveler Query: Covenant (YA Fantasy)
Okay. Here is one that I actually have already sent out to a contest. More than one book is mentioned in this one as well because I sent in both manuscripts and I wanted to make sure the letter for each mentioned the pair of manuscripts. It's a little long, but I felt the need to describe the serie...
- January 26th, 2010, 10:15 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Dreamtraveler Query: Covenant (YA Fantasy)
- Replies: 17
- Views: 7214
Re: Dreamtraveler Query: Covenant (YA Fantasy)
This is sort of like walking out to the mailbox in 10 degree weather: I hate that my nostrils freeze on the way there, but I want the mail so bad I sprint for it even without a coat or shoes. Here's a rough draft query...that's my disclaimer, anyway. I really love red pen, so whoever does that cool...
- January 26th, 2010, 6:30 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Kill My Query Mk-IV
- Replies: 19
- Views: 7543
Re: Kill my Query
Hello, Kirril! I'll be happy to bring death and destruction to your query (with only the best of intentions :) ). I've taken a break from this query for a while. It's been through the wringer already, but I want to give it another thrashing before loosing it into the wild. Thanks! After an intruder ...
- January 26th, 2010, 5:06 pm
- Forum: Queries
- Topic: Final query: Waiting for April
- Replies: 29
- Views: 10195
Re: Revised query: Waiting for April
Dear [Agent], Twenty-one-year-old college student, April Fletcher, is unaware that she is living her fifteenth life. She doesn’t know that she has never before survived to see her twenty second (hyphenate numbers) birthday. She is oblivious to the fact that Scott Parker, her best friend of five yea...