Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Jake Wakely is no stranger to being a stranger. He’s lived abroad for the first thirteen years of his life. But after being sent to his father's childhood hometown of Sleepy Valley to live with his grandparents, his ‘new kid’ mystique is fading fast. Jake gets off to a bad start by choosing the wron...

Coo premise. I would say to show, not tell about the psycic and firestarting capabilities. If they just woke up with these powers, they wouldn't fully understand them. For example: Images flash through Remy's mind, as if the objects were crying out to him. A woman in a pink sweater, the strange gun ...

It seems your story has struck a chord with this community, at least, so you should be encouraged! I get the sense that everyone wants to see/hear this story told, and is anxious to get the "truth" of your book in your query. So, clear your mind and your page. Give us the stage, place the ...

Read up on some agent pet peeves -- especially the master of this domain -- the most common one is rhetorical questions.

Maybegenius maybegenius--stole my post while I was still typing! Not to say Imaybegenius... I've never been formally tested. Good feedback, and a great re-write.

Your "original" is much better. The one you posted first has a POV error, IMO. The girls’ basketball state championship is over, trophies awarded, and as people filter out of the arena, they flow around a well-dressed girl with wealthy poise standing transfixed at the edge of the now empty...

I like the basice structure of your query, and can see what is going on with ease. Watch out for cliche's. wishes that she were the one who ended up dead friends tiptoe around her ticking time-bomb When she least expects it taste of heaven been through hell. one way ticket hottest guy in school igni...

Overall I liked your pitch. I could figure out who was doing what right from the beginning, which is not always the case. I would say that the fourth paragraph maybe has too much info. I know the desire to include all of the cool parts of your story at a glance, but you have to resist in order to cr...