Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Congratulations, Ink! Now what are you doing on your computer? Go get some sleep . . . . . . or make another one . . . Congratulations, Ink. Share a story with you. My daughter: "Mudder, will you die?" Me : "Yes, Pet, but not for ages, yet." Daughter : "Well, if you do, can...

Am I the oldest woman here at 45? Yikes! I've seen some guys who are older, but no women unless I missed their posts. Anyway, I don't think of myself as 'old', I think of myself perfectly aged fine wine. ;-) Besides, I was knocking down jumpshots like a pro today! Even turnaround jumpers. *beams* Y...

You've had some good advice, but I don't think anyone's picked up on 'cool' yet. It's not language of the genre. Also, ditch 'midnight' and 'piercing' for more original words.
Good ideas.

Your dialogue style is really natural, and starting with it is a good 'grab', and the story sounds intriguing. I had a problem with 'break a leg' - don't think it was used until early C20. 'Had to bend forward' - delete 'have to'. Ditto 'entertainer's' - it's a theatre, so 'entertainer's' is obsolet...

I certainly think you have to 'grab' today's reader. Yesteryear, the classics did it with beautiful writing; maybe they couldn't achieve the same today. Is it, as it is in many aspects of modern life, that we're after instant gratification? The busy-ants syndrome? So . . . yes, grab them. But it doe...

Okay, so this first sentence is from book #1: Sofie. Sofie’s parents. (hmmmm...it does get better. I promise.) ...And this is from book @2: The night before Lizzie had to be at the warehouse in Newark, New Jersey at seven o’clock sharp to pick up a load of expensive wine bound for Las Vegas, she be...

Liked the idea of a woman dancing in lingerie. It might be more titillating to know where she's dancing - outdoor, on the opera stage, etc., but you probably say in your next sentence. ;D 8.5 Weary of killing, Liu Jie picked at the blood in his cuticles as he swayed in the saddle. From "Mourn ...

My first post will be my first sentence from a middle reader that I expect to finish in May. Seems appropriate. But I'll begin by complimenting Josin — my favorite so far, although many others are excellent, too. As a journalist, I've always loved a concise, memorable lede. We're all immortal until...

zoecourtmansmith wrote:Okay, so I looked at my second/third sentences and thought this might work better:

"The waitress took one look at the hooded teenager standing across the dark lot and murmured to herself, “Here comes trouble.”

Yes! 'Hooded', and 'trouble' are your 'I've-gotta-read-on' tags.

I'm published in historical fiction, but new MS is my first attempt at YA (fantasy/horror). N.B. setting is Australia - hence heat in November.

With November, came the heat . . . and the flies.
And then the evil.

Okay, you debauched mob, this swearing diversion has been a hoot (although the original question was genuine - damned genuine. I really did think 'damned' was a no-no in US) but now I'm going back to my first attempt at YA. It's fantasy/horror based on characters from Irish mythology. You all sound ...

God, I LOVE that there are Aussies on here! We had another 'root' conversation on a different thread. Hi Kay! *waves* :) I mean, crikey, we've got sheilas and blokes throwing the 'root' word around like it's goin' outta fashion! but i can't think of any words that would turn mainstream america agai...

hahah nice try!!! I'd never thought that the word damn would be an offensive word (seeing as how much it's used here in aust) and hadn't really thought much about AUS vs US lang use - so thanks!!! But on that point eringayles, I've always been mindful of not using aussie slang unless I was pitching...

Yep, Taylor, you dirty old woman, you got it in one! It's not yet my family's wake-up time (they sleep in on Sat mornings) and I let out a huge belly-laugh when I read your question. Everyone came running down to give me mouth-to-mouth. Regards, Eringayles Oh my gawd...did you just call me an old w...

So, yeah...it came. The rejection. You can read about how it made me feel on my blog: http://justine-dell.blogspot.com/2010/03/rejection.html Well, at least I have one more out. I'll cross my fingers and see how that one goes. ~JD Now, don't you get all depressed, will you? You have accomplished wh...