Nathan Bransford - The Forums

This is clearly worded and flows well. Some suggestions below. That said, your biggest challenge may be in making this stand out. As is, it may suffer the fate of being just another MS about a teenage girl with problems and a crush. Kacey Donovan has bigger problems than dodging the minefields that ...

I found the story intriguing. But like other commenters, I found the timeshifts in the first version to be confusing. I think Quill gave you some excellent advice. The second version is much better in that it doesn't jump around in time. However, I found it to be to brief and assumes that the reader...

I read version one and version two, but not the synopsis, as the query should stand alone. I agree with a previous post--I get a very blurry picture of what the story might be. You include wording that is, I suppose, supposed to create mystery and intrigue in the mind of the reader, but it doesn't t...

In places this is quite intriguing. But there are also spots where it falls flat for me. In places it has a quirky feel, but then at times it seems like an ordinary romance novel. The quirky bits completely outshine the other bits. So if you can get it to be consistently quirky, well, then you may h...