Nathan Bransford - The Forums

I think this is a really good beginning. Dear [agent], I really think you should start with at least a sentence about Chris. Why do he and his friend hunt dragons? What is the dragon slayers union and how did he become a member? Those are just suggestions for what might be in the first couple of se...

Newest Version: Being a half-blood is inconvenient even on a good day, especially when the half you got from your mother is werewolf. Valeriah can’t take wolf form but she is still driven by the full moon. Running helps; a tired werewolf is a good werewolf. She’s found her niche, though, using her e...

Okay, I'll be honest. My first reaction was Spartacus! I think you definitely want to add some details to this query to make me not think that. Ok, let's give this a shot. Let me know what you think. Thanks for the help! Dear PROPERLY SPELL AGENT NAME, For the average person, living their entire lif...

Once upon a time, a divisive war rocked the two kingdoms of Lokhaven and Kellynnia. The elderly Kellynnian Royal Seer gave one final prophecy - that the daughter born to the Queen of Kellynnia would be the most powerful sorceress ever seen. The kingdom rallied behind the birth of the princess and f...

The Chaos Lord’s war against the Ancients ended in betrayal and the relics of their dark reign scattered and hidden away to be forgotten by the world of men. Ten thousand years later one such relic entrusted to the keeping of the Griffin Lords has been stolen, awakening an ancient dread. I really t...

Okay, having read the synopsis: I reworked the query that I had, but I also made a whole new query with a different approach. Both are pasted below, with the new one first. Any comments are appreciated, of course, but if you have no time, even just a vote for the first or second would be helpful to ...

Trust your gut instincts. In the end, you are the writer and it's your story.

Took me a while to get back to this. I've been working on my new WIP (a young adult fantasy) and running a synopsis challenge on another forum. For those that are confused as to place, I'm having a little difficulty with what more detail I could give without sacrificing the action. This is patterned...

I'm getting conflicting advice on this one. (Which doesn't seem to be unusual.)

In a synopsis, do you capitalize the names of characters when they first appear, or not?

Thanks for your help.

Just a note to the above. Iolanthe (yes that starts with an I not a lower-case L) is the title character of a second-tier Gilbert and Sullivan operetta. (She's actually a fairy.) Not too many people are going to get the reference, but that's not the point. (Appropos of nothing: By far my favorite ch...

Reading through the query again, thought occurred to me. I think that by mentioning that the ex-husband has tried to kidnap their son before you are actually lessening the stakes when the boy is kidnapped. The natural assumption is that it's Dad and the kid's okay. Without that, the kidnapping might...

Chapter 1 The ground rose and fell like the swells of a hurricane. Stones and rocks showered the air as each wave crested around him. Massive stone buildings crumbled into piles of rubble and roman columns that stood for centuries toppled like dominoes. Scattered amidst the ruin lay the bodies of t...

Hi all. I'm new here. I just started the process of querying. I'd appreciate any feedback on my query letter. Thanks a lot. Dear Agent: After she broke away from a marriage to a money-obsessed, intolerant, and (as it turned out) criminal businessman two years ago, Megan Whits struggles to forget th...

Hi all, Here is the prologue to my YA paranormal (if you'd like, you can read the query in the Query Forum). I know lots of people don't like prologues, but a reputable freelance editor recommended that I begin my story with one. It's told by Leo, a nineteenth century prince. Any feedback is much a...

Thanks. Some very good suggestions.

I've avoided reading Twilight, so Cullen didn't have that resonance for me. Well, names are easy to change and, since he's dead, he doesn't appear in the story much.

Cullen just became Conall.