Nathan Bransford - The Forums

First, I'll say thank you in advance for any help you throw my way. I really need help with making my query a query and not a synopsis. I've had a hard time getting my character's voice across. Second, I'm a disiciple of the Query Shark, so I've tried to stick to her pointers. I will however edit my...

Thanks oldhousejunkie, on length. I will rework this some more. I think there is entirely too many questions about her job and who she is, and that is NOT the focus of the book at ALL. This gets covered in the first chapter and then it is over. It's difficult to condense in a query, however. I don'...

MUCH better. My brain didn't implode with confusion, so that's always a good sign. :-) When Carmine Caudatus was eight-years-old, he lost his best friend and servant to murder. Good! Eye-catching. With the Power of the Rose, a gift only descendants of his mother's line carry that might be too much i...

Ok, your new version rocks! I wish I could turn-around a query like that. Kudos to you! To answer your question, you give just the amount of information away. I was confused by your first query, but totally drawn in by your second. I can see beyond the query and would guess that your work is polishe...

This has so much potential and yet it's not coming through. To answer your question, you have 250 words, bascially, to get your point across. And yes, you want to leave them wanting to read more, not wondering what is going on. If you haven't finished the last four chapters, and you're not the type ...

Me three...as in I didn't read your first attempts. All right, so I have a good reason for this: I went crazy on my query and re-did it all. Mostly because I spent a whole morning reading Nathan's every single post about queries, and a 85 pages book about it. Hopefully, it's working a bit better the...

Good start. But I got way too confused following all the different people. It is my understanding that you need to write from one point of view. I'm assuming that Dara is the main character, so write it from her POV. The beginning is good....and catchy. It makes me want to read more. But as you go a...

Ok, here's what jumped out at me. First, you're way too hard on yourself. Chin up, ok? :-) Second, I was raised on Christian fiction, and I don't think this would qualify. I think it's just a fantasy with religious overtones or a religious fantasy. But that's just my opinion. I hope that doesn't off...

Title: The Enemy Within Genre: Historical Fiction June 1862 Woodford County, Kentucky The rolling hills of my beloved Brookfield had been cloaked in shadows for some hours. It must have been well past midnight as the servants had gone to bed, leaving the house devoid of activity. As I lay in the lar...

Hello everyone! I am new to the forums, but have been subscribing to Nathan's blog for a while. I am desperately seeking a critique partner. My MS is a 110,000 word historical fiction set in the US and England during the American Civil War time period. Here is an excerpt from my query: Julienne Dalt...