Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Here's version 1,000 (or seems like it) Thanks for your comments.... [specific agent info, if appropriate] In YA fantasy HARP-BROKEN, a teen tracking her missing dad to Ireland finds his fate entwined with that of her eccentric new schoolmates. Roiseen journeys to mythical Tir Na Nog to rescue her f...

Thanks, everyone. Am working on a total rewrite and will post shortly. BTW, although I'm dropping it from the query, the term outliers refers to the statistical ends of a bell graph--in other words....the "outsiders." I was going to use it as my title but it was preempted by the NYT bestse...

It's looking good...just a couple of tightening suggestions.... Dear Agent, Sixteen-year-old Chris Drake and his best friend, Yvonne Steele, are dragon slayers for the Fraternity of Wyrm Fiends. Days after their first kill, an ancient dragon claiming to be Chris’s uncle abducts Yvonne. This The drag...

Hi, The first graf needs to be the hook....what pulls the agent into your book and is a 2-3 sentence explanation of what's going on. I like your ideas, but the first graf is confusing as a start. I was thinking the aging mind reader had Alzheimer's or dementia--then thought she was schizophrenic. Sh...

Ditto on the "like!"

I like it. Just a few editing comments or questions. Sorry if I missed some of the answers from your explanations. Also, there does have to be more connection between the 1st and 2nd grafs since they are almost equal in weight. I would hit the 2nd with choice/consequences of the kidnapping consult s...

I like the premise and the title. A couple of impressions..... However, Jane quickly learns that these people were responsible for bringing her to the past with the express purpose of saving them from an evil called the Faceless Ones. Although filled with fear and trepidation over her circumstances,...

Hi, I love your humor, and am thinking the MS will show that. I agree with the above comments that you have to narrow down the choices and consequences--what's at stake--and show it right away. While keeping your chicklity (is that a word) tone. The kidnapping ring wasn't too clear; what I got out o...

Here's my query, revised from YAChatLit forum, but my first here. Thanks for your input! This query writing is liking pulling teeth without anesthesia... my head hurts! ---------------------------- I'm seeking representation for YA fantasy HARP-BROKEN, complete at 67,000 words. Based on Irish mythol...

I love the premise. Here are my "editorial" comments.....(blue adds) New York chef Cameron Kincaid retired from the danger and adventure of the French Foreign Legion for a calmer life as a chef , restaurateur and Gourmet channel personality. Danger and adventure were not ready to go their ...

Help, can't find the app for delete....am I missing a box?

Never mind, got it, duh. The "s" box.

Hi, Sounds great, and I think agents are looking for historicals for teens. Just a couple of comments, which you probably deal with in the book.... The red(s) are deletes, the blue adds. Chris Dear Mr./Ms. Agent: It's 1863 and the Civil War is raging. Nineteen-year-old Julienne Dalton goes from priv...

Hi, Here's my 2 cents (and I love the premise): Red is cuts; I can't find the strike through app here. Sixteen year-old Chris Drake and his best friend Yvonne hunt dragons for the Fraternity of Wyrm Fiends in Denver, Colorado. Only days after killing a dragon in the mountains , the beast’s brother, ...

Hi, I like the premise, but have some questions about skin walkers. From what I know they are the evil witches of the Navaho tribe. Are there skin walkers in the NW? Also, would a skin walker hunter abandon his role and tribe for a teen girl? This sounds like good conflict if you can make it believa...

Hi, I like the idea, too. Here are my edits; the red is a cut or comment, the yellow an add. Here's my new letter. ------------------------------------------------ Dear Agent: RIDING ON THE TAIL OF THE DEVIL is an 80,000 word YA fantasy. Mathias is a street kid. He never thought he would live anywhe...