Search found 19 matches

by Poisonguy
March 24th, 2010, 8:15 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Natural Selection. CLOSED: NO NEED TO COMMENT
Replies: 6
Views: 1118

Query: Natural Selection. CLOSED: NO NEED TO COMMENT

I can't tell up from down and right from left anymore. Help me. I thank you in advance. In life, Salt Lake City’s district attorney and Dragan Sakic never met. When the DA dies, Dragan comes to know him as one knows a close friend. Some people might say they were brought together by an act of God. ...
by Poisonguy
February 12th, 2010, 4:15 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Thriller Query (Genre, that is). Open to Suggestions!
Replies: 18
Views: 3392

Re: Thriller Query (Genre, that is). Open to Suggestions!

This is really good, I agree with the others. The only place I see that may need improvement is this paragraph. Each clue will draw Cameron and Kyle closer together, and together they will need to find out whether the voice speaking from the grave is dangerously evil … or will solve all the mysterie...
by Poisonguy
February 12th, 2010, 4:09 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Revised Turning Red Query up for critique
Replies: 8
Views: 1616

Re: Query up for critique

You need to expand on this. It is too short, IMO, and therefore feels rushed. This is the most important part, so shorten everything else you have in the query that didn't appear here and use the word count to give the agent more to judge your story. Make us care about the protagonist. Why is it imp...
by Poisonguy
February 12th, 2010, 3:54 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: A page to ponder; literary fiction
Replies: 24
Views: 3868

Re: A page to ponder; literary fiction

Good work. Intriguing and creepy setting at the same time. For me, a major thing is missing, and that's a protagonist. It seems the antagonists can be implied, but who tells the story? What are the stakes for the protag? Without a mention of characters, it's difficult to feel invested in what happen...