Search found 111 matches

by Ermo
February 9th, 2011, 1:07 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: THE DIM MAN
Replies: 14
Views: 2601

Query: THE DIM MAN

I've made a few changes since I put this up a few months ago. Love any and all feedback. Thanks! Tim Manning has no soul. Or at least that’s what the latest popular computer application says. Saddled already with a worsening and debilitating heart problem, Tim has no desire to participate in the pop...
by Ermo
February 9th, 2011, 1:02 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: IRREFUTABLE
Replies: 19
Views: 3281

Re: Query: IRREFUTABLE

Hi D.T. Here are my comments: I think this is begging for specifics. The first three sentences of the second graph - the setup - are good. I get it - our protagonist is a widow with a teenager and a demanding detective job. Some literary tones here that resonate with me, at least. After that, though...
by Ermo
February 9th, 2011, 12:53 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query feedback - THE HEAVY DARK - take 3
Replies: 21
Views: 3556

Re: Query feedback - THE HEAVY DARK - take 2

Hi fernerfer - Here are my comments. Skyla had been called a witch her entire life, but she never thought they meant it literally. A little bit of a tense change here from the opening sentence. I also feel like it's a tone change. We go from a girl running for her life to a more playful paragraph ab...
by Ermo
February 9th, 2011, 12:43 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Nightframe Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1823

Re: Nightframe Query

Hi Mary-Catharine - Here are my suggestions: Mary Edmondson (personal information) (Agency information) Not sure if anyone else has told you this but I have read quite a few places that you put your information at the end and delete the agency information. Maybe someone else can confirm. You want to...
by Ermo
November 2nd, 2010, 2:34 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Literary Fiction
Replies: 5
Views: 1009

Re: Literary Fiction

I write LF for my short stories but have abandonded it somewhat for long-form stuff. I feel like I'll be more marketable with a more mainstream book that has some flashes of LF influence. The pros to LF of course is that it is the best vehicle for extracting powerful emotions from your characters an...
by Ermo
October 28th, 2010, 11:51 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Possessed
Replies: 23
Views: 2880

Re: Query - Possessed

Nineteen year-old Gabriel is a murderer. He should not remember who is or what he has done, but the psychological experiment he volunteers for fails. Take his age out. Reads crisper that way. But it's a really good first sentence. The second sentence loses me. I re-read it and figured I think a rewr...
by Ermo
October 28th, 2010, 11:43 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: RESCUE MY SOUL - YA Gritty Novel
Replies: 10
Views: 1422

Re: RESCUE MY SOUL - YA Gritty Novel

Nineteen year-old Janet Nakano loves her brother Jude. That's why she has to kill his girlfriend. I'd combine these. Just says: Janet Nakano needs to kill her brother's girlfriend. Names and ages can come later. Janet and Jude have always been by each other's side since elementary school. Janet unde...
by Ermo
October 26th, 2010, 10:53 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Genre hopping
Replies: 10
Views: 1305

Re: Genre hopping

I think it's beneficial to anyone's growth as a writer to write different genres. In fact, I think it's beneficial to write in all different ways - whether it's short-form blogging, journalism, copy writing, etc., you learn from it all. I also have ideas across genres. Good luck.
by Ermo
October 26th, 2010, 10:45 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: How to know you're not a writer?
Replies: 56
Views: 7750

Re: How to know you're not a writer?

You know you're not a writer when you quit. And even then, you just might come back... This board needs a "Blowing Off Steam" forum. If you makes you feel any better, I will never be a mother (My Y chromosome makes me uterus-deficient), an aerospace engineer (math? wha?) and do not have a published ...
by Ermo
October 25th, 2010, 8:31 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (Newer Draft on page 2)
Replies: 15
Views: 3104

Re: Query: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (second attempt)

Tessa is young, talented, and blind. She walks alongside the canals of Beldessario and plays her dulcimer for strangers, seeing only their auras and relying on their generosity to survive. Gazing into people's souls may not win her many friends, but being able to spot the blackened heart of brigands...
by Ermo
October 25th, 2010, 8:15 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query
Replies: 28
Views: 4142

Re: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query

Dear Mr. or Ms. Agent, I’m contacting you because… Put this at the end too. Start with the hook. They know why you're contacting them. Some people collect stamps; others keep coins. Daly English has a collection too: emotions. By keeping them locked safely away, she dismisses herself from their e ff...
by Ermo
October 25th, 2010, 10:30 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Mainstream Novel Query - THE DIM MAN
Replies: 8
Views: 1286

Mainstream Novel Query - THE DIM MAN

All advice is welcome - just trying to get better. Thanks! Dear Agent – Tim Mann has no soul. Or at least that’s what the latest popular computer application says. Saddled already with a worsening and debilitating heart problem, Tim has no desire to participate in the pop culture phenomenon obsessed...
by Ermo
October 24th, 2010, 3:43 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN -- Revision No. 1
Replies: 12
Views: 2260

Re: QUERY -- THE FERRYMAN

Charlie wants what any man wants: love, adventure and the coins of recently deceased souls. I like this opening. Coins kind of throws me but I'm cool with it. He thought an afterlife as a ferryman was a lucky break. That gondola-rowing skeleton on his T-Shirt sure seems satisfied. But somewhere aro...
by Ermo
October 24th, 2010, 3:25 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: A Lullaby: giving it another shot
Replies: 26
Views: 3015

Re: A Lullaby: giving it another shot

Here are my comments: Agora Beckwith’s life isn't getting any brighter by Dave’s love, it ' s getting shorter. That is but a small price for giving him her heart and getting his back. Her identity may play a small role in that, but it's not like she cares. My first question from this is: Why is it g...
by Ermo
October 21st, 2010, 12:56 pm
Forum: Ask Nathan
Topic: If the Giants win the World Series....
Replies: 2
Views: 718

If the Giants win the World Series....

will you have a baseball-themed contest where you give away a critique in recognition?