Search found 53 matches

by OneChoice1
June 23rd, 2010, 1:14 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: BLOOD WILL TELL, Urban Fantasy, Temporarily Retired
Replies: 34
Views: 5161

Re: Query for BLOOD WILL TELL, Urban Fantasy

Newest version: Dear Agent: Valeriah is half werewolf, [Just to be clear, her other half is human?] unable to take wolf form but still inconveniently driven by the full moon. [You have my attention.] Her werewolf strength and instincts make her a formidable bodyguard for the members of the Council ...
by OneChoice1
June 23rd, 2010, 12:13 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Use Somebody *Updated*
Replies: 31
Views: 4998

Re: Query: Use Somebody *Updated*

Thank you Meredith! Yes, you did help While I don't have a whole rewrite for the query, I do have one for the last paragraph. Do you think I'm going in the right direction with this: Not letting her heart problems and experimental issues get the best of her, Rachel takes back some control and create...
by OneChoice1
June 22nd, 2010, 10:36 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Use Somebody *Updated*
Replies: 31
Views: 4998

Query: Use Somebody *Updated*

Salut! If you can/want to help, it will be much appreciated. *The revised version (#11) is on the 4th page .* Dear [ Agent’s name ]: Teenager Rachel McSwain is convinced she has only thirteen months left to live when she is compelled to be an experiment for the US government. Being forced to live in...
by OneChoice1
January 23rd, 2010, 9:25 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - Annevra Waiting - YA fiction
Replies: 6
Views: 1425

Re: Query Critique - Annevra Waiting - YA fiction

Wow, I realize now how much I need to take out my fancy way of saying she only saw visions of things that happened in the past xP It sounds like she saw Koda walking down the street a week before the Revolution--what I actually meant was those were two separate visions, both happening in the past, ...
by OneChoice1
January 22nd, 2010, 2:22 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Status: Under Construction
Replies: 30
Views: 5244

Re: Query Status: Under Construction

After taking a break and getting comfortable with the beginning of my first year in college (Oh yeah!), I'm back to have others crack the whip on this query of mine. So please, by all means, tear into it. But before that I want to thank Dankrubis and Yoshima. I've taken both of your critiques into c...
by OneChoice1
January 9th, 2010, 9:20 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Status: Under Construction
Replies: 30
Views: 5244

Re: Query Status: Under Construction

*Updated Version* Dear [Agent's name]: What the world doesn’t give you, the world can’t take away. It all has to do with faith. USE SOMEBODY is an inspirational romance and is approximately 156,000 words. Seven year olds are typically found playing outside, riding bikes, playing video games, and as...
by OneChoice1
January 8th, 2010, 9:37 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Status: Under Construction
Replies: 30
Views: 5244

Re: Query Status: Under Construction

okay, so I've looked over my query again and I just had to knock it down and start building again. I'm aiming to represent my novel more for the genre it is. Thank you all :)
by OneChoice1
January 8th, 2010, 11:09 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Status: Under Construction
Replies: 30
Views: 5244

Re: Query Status: Under Construction

!Scroll down to see the newest version! The bulk of the query seems to describe a crime novel or thriller, full of criminal families, rivals, trials, execution dates, governmental experiments... which doesn't seem to fit at all with the genre of "inspirational romance". A touch of this comes in at ...
by OneChoice1
January 7th, 2010, 6:26 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Status: Under Construction
Replies: 30
Views: 5244

Re: Query Status: Under Construction

Bug me all you want. It brings improvements out of me ^_^
c.ska wrote:'one of Britain's most notorious crime families'
I really like this line. Can i use it?
by OneChoice1
January 7th, 2010, 6:18 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: AUTUMN LEAVES - Query Help
Replies: 19
Views: 3559

Re: AUTUMN LEAVES - Query Help

I'm interested, but I feel like there's so much more that can be squeezed out of this. I feel like I'm missing out on things and that I can be more emotionally attached than i am. I can't wait to see how you revise your query. First off, I promise to haunt this forum and try my best to provide const...
by OneChoice1
January 7th, 2010, 5:11 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Status: Under Construction
Replies: 30
Views: 5244

Re: Query Status: Under Construction

What about my updated version above?
by OneChoice1
January 7th, 2010, 4:13 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Status: Under Construction
Replies: 30
Views: 5244

Re: Query Status: Under Construction

Yes, it would make more sense to show where the romance comes in. Thank you! Okay, here goes *New revisement* Dear [Agent's name]: What the world doesn’t give you, the world can’t take away. It all has to do with faith. USE SOMEBODY is an inspirational romance and is approximately 156,000 words. Sev...
by OneChoice1
January 6th, 2010, 9:42 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Status: Under Construction
Replies: 30
Views: 5244

Re: Query Status: Under Construction

I've read articles and true stories and met people who had to grow up fast at a really young age, including my own mother. My family used to foster care, and these little kids, no older than eight, knew how to cook, clean, and take care of their baby brother and two year old sister all by themselves...
by OneChoice1
January 6th, 2010, 2:50 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query critique -- Necklace of Tears
Replies: 13
Views: 3107

Re: Query critique -- Necklace of Tears

For a moment there i thought you were going to reveal which choice Devi picked. I like the title and the story itself. Sounds like a good read. Good luck! Dear Name: Necklace of Tears (52,000 words) is a YA historical fiction set in 11th century India. This was the time of the ruthless Chola kings a...
by OneChoice1
January 6th, 2010, 1:10 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Status: Under Construction
Replies: 30
Views: 5244

Re: Query Status: Under Construction

For c.ska: Thank you very much. Though this is not the last revise, I feel like I am on the road of "doing my story justice." For shadow: Thank you. Would it really hurt to not add where the romance comes in, in the query? Can't it just be a hint that there will be romance? A "read and find out" sor...