Search found 93 matches

by Yoshima
February 25th, 2010, 10:11 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #3
Replies: 37
Views: 5958

Re: QUERY: SPIRIT HILL - Revision #1

Hey GeeGee! I haven't read your previous versions so this is with fresh eyes. :) REVISION #1 My sister remarked to me that after so many versions, the query must feel like word hash. Yes. Yes, it does. (Oh man. Yeah. I can't tell up from down with mine right now.) Is this version any better? (Just f...
by Yoshima
February 25th, 2010, 9:59 am
Forum: Finding An Agent
Topic: Rejection Stats
Replies: 227
Views: 96894

Re: Rejection Stats

Agreed. That's just bad form on their part. And it's obviously not true. Look at those requests your racking up. :)
by Yoshima
February 21st, 2010, 12:21 pm
Forum: Finding An Agent
Topic: Query size -- let's have this out.
Replies: 8
Views: 1296

Re: Query size -- let's have this out.

If your query is less than 300 words, it should fit on a page. Mine got up to 390 at one point and it still had room to spare at the bottom (12 pt, single-spaced like a business letter should be, with one line between paragraphs). I'm thinking, like Holly, that your contact info is spread out or you...
by Yoshima
February 18th, 2010, 11:50 pm
Forum: Finding An Agent
Topic: Request for a Full MS - It came...the rejection.
Replies: 57
Views: 7512

Re: OMG!!! Request for a Full MS!!!!

Nick, your writing cracks me up (in a good way).
by Yoshima
February 18th, 2010, 11:10 pm
Forum: Finding An Agent
Topic: Request for a Full MS - It came...the rejection.
Replies: 57
Views: 7512

Re: OMG!!! Request for a Full MS!!!!

JUSTINE!!!!

!!!!

Keep me posted on what happens!! Good luck!!
by Yoshima
February 18th, 2010, 4:31 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: 100 Wishes - Romance novel Query - Take 1
Replies: 19
Views: 3286

Re: 100 Wishes - Romance novel Query - Take 1

Hey shadow! Dear Super Agent, Salina Edwards is devastated when her boyfriend of five years, Nick, unexpectedly passes away from cancer. She is left with no more than a vast abyss of emptiness ("vast abyss of emptiness" sounds kind of melodramatic to me, to be honest) and a list that contains one h...
by Yoshima
February 18th, 2010, 4:17 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Aussie needs international feedback
Replies: 28
Views: 4970

Re: Query: Aussie needs international feedback

Hey StayPositive! Thanks for your feedback on my query conundrum. I hope my comments will be helpful to you. :) Having read through many entries on these forums, plus other "agent help" blogs referenced here, I have rewritten a Query in a style I hope is more Northern Hemisphere. Although I have liv...
by Yoshima
February 18th, 2010, 3:59 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Daily Darling
Replies: 21
Views: 3086

Re: Daily Darling

Editing is painful. Here's my latest baby. It physically hurt to press the backspace button. (but hey my book is 17,000 words lighter than when it began!) Bev had heard that money went further in small towns than in the city, but this was ridiculous! Why did anyone stay in the cities? Aw, I love yo...
by Yoshima
February 14th, 2010, 2:14 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: TO STAND BEFORE A BROKEN MIRROR oh so very rough of a draft
Replies: 28
Views: 4734

Re: TO STAND BEFORE A BROKEN MIRROR oh so very rough of a draft

Hey Serzen! Dear $Agent, You have an average job (Oh my. I can see an agent raising their brows at this. They get queires that start with the "I am..." intro or straight to the story and everything in between, and might not get at first that you're launching into the story. Rephrase?) ; it pays well...
by Yoshima
February 14th, 2010, 2:04 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Revised Turning Red Query up for critique
Replies: 8
Views: 1616

Re: Revised Turning Red Query up for critique

Hey all! I deleted the old query, so the only one here is the revised version. I need all the help I can get. Dear Agent: Rights-to-life activist Betty B. sees herself as the soil that lies unnoticed beneath the beauty of flowers (I know what you mean here, but I'm wondering why. Activists are well...
by Yoshima
February 14th, 2010, 1:55 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Mythic
Replies: 7
Views: 1268

Re: Query: Mythic

Hi CC13! I'm not a query expert either, so take or leave whatever you wish. :) Hello all! Trying to get this thing as good as possible, so any thoughts or suggestions are welcome. Thanks in advance! Jessa Whitley knows she’s got no business being the next Hercules. Sure, she’s obsessed with everyth...
by Yoshima
February 14th, 2010, 1:45 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Critique my query please! "Blown to Smithereens"
Replies: 6
Views: 1144

Re: Critique my query please! "Blown to Smithereens"

Hey bunderful! More feedback for you. Eliora's life is shattered by a midnight phone call. (Great!) Her photographer husband Micha was killed by a suicide bomber while out for a beer with some buddies after a photo shoot in Tel Aviv (There's too much backstory stuffed in here; the conflict gets lost...
by Yoshima
February 14th, 2010, 12:37 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Opening page of my YA Steampunk novel
Replies: 15
Views: 3615

Re: Opening page of my YA Steampunk novel

Just wanted to drop by and say how much I enjoyed reading this. I don't have much to add; the others have done a great job so I won't repeat. And the ending (not the last sentence, of course) made me go "but, but...I need to know more!! Give more now, or Hulk smash!" :) *sends oodles of warm fuzzies*
by Yoshima
February 10th, 2010, 10:29 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Feedback beginning of Time Tourism
Replies: 9
Views: 1853

Re: Feedback beginning of Time Tourism

Me first! ;) Kudos for posting--I know how hard that is! Hope this helps you out! So, this is the opening scene (the first 450 words) of my story. This is what I've been sending as the writing sample with my query when the agent says they'll take the first few pages. If you feel up to it, please re...
by Yoshima
February 10th, 2010, 6:59 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Folklore
Replies: 29
Views: 4184

Re: Query: Folklore

Still too rough I know, but I'm ready for round 2. (I know Remus, it's still too long! I'm trying, really!) Thanks again, you guys! Dear Wonderful Agent, Sixteen-year-old Haley Martin doesn’t like conflict. She keeps her head down and stays out of trouble. She doesn’t know that trouble has been see...