Nathan Bransford - The Forums

ok....working on new attempt.

a dirge is a funeral song. a lot of the subjects die in the physical exams (which test how well a Humani is blended, so to speak), so dirge seemed appropriate.

back to the drawing board...

*headdesk* OK. the sad thing is that the ending is her big choice. she can either get out and try to live some kind of life, or she can stay and suffer under james so she can figure out why this happened to her. but i'll work on simplifying. i thought it was a little too convoluted, too. thanks for ...

Definitely an improvement from the previous incarnations! Great work :) i've cut and reworded a few parts to help you get the word count down. hopefully i haven't butchered it, but i got the word count down to 254... Dear Agent, Three years ago seventeen-year-old Chase was exiled by his father, and ...

Dear Agent: Janelle was living the life she’d always wanted. And now, she can’t remember any of it. The newest success of the Humani Project, a government-funded genetic experiment she’d sacrificed her loveless marriage for, amnesiac Janelle must learn to exist as “Dima” while struggling to tame th...

Quill - thanks for the input! i'll keep trudging. i want this to be as close to perfect as possible.

BAL - sometimes a word of encouragement is the best thing you can offer. thanks :)

one more time, with feeling! Dear Agent: Janelle was living the life she’d always dreamed about, and now she can’t remember any of it. Instead of waking up to her perfect newborn baby, Janelle wakes up as the newest success of the Humani Project, a government-funded experiment she had worked with he...

holy cow, you guys work fast!!!!!!!!!!!

these are KILLER comments, y'all. seriously. thank you so much!

NEW ATTEMPT ON BOTTOM OF PAGE 3 Dear Agent: Janelle’s life was almost perfect. Her divorce was nearly finalized. She enjoyed a flourishing career at the premier genetic experimentation facility in the world. Best of all, she was carrying the child of her true love, the geneticist whose work she’d f...

thanks, A.M.! that's something i hadn't thought about before, but it makes total sense. she relies a lot on her sense of smell, but one of the first things she notices (after the initial shock) is that colors are muted. i might have to work the colorblindness in as well...

thanks, joel! quite helpful and much appreciated :)

thanks for the input, quill. you made a lot of great suggestions. i'm working on a revamp.

trying something new. and wishing i'd sent THIS one to nathan instead... Dear [Agent] Her name wasn’t always Dima. That’s all she knows. When Dima first awakens, she is covered in panther fur and has no memory of her past. The Humani Project, a government-funded genetic cross-mutation experiment, is...

from the one i'm shopping:
"My eyes fluttered open with the lack of focus that only comes from sleeping too long."

from my WIP:
"Machial stretched and relished in the sunlight beaming down on his face."

i have two:

one, i have a flair for the over-dramatic, so much so that i lose sleep at night wondering if the words i've chosen even have meaning or depth. (<---see?)

two, i think my narration might be emo.

happens to me a lot too. i generally will try to write down either in notebook form or in word processor what the idea/scene is and if it seems like a viable thing, i'll tuck it away safely in its own folder. that way, if i have flashes of idea, i can just include them in that folder and have everyt...