Search found 24 matches

by elbowpatch
July 6th, 2012, 5:18 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Seeking help with my query for THE FINAL CLUE
Replies: 6
Views: 1576

Re: Seeking help with my query for THE FINAL CLUE

Here are my two cents. I like the first one better, but I would suggest the following reworking of the beginning: Threatening poems that contain enigmatic clues and too personal information keep arriving at the front door of FBI Agent Gina Russo. She can't wait to get her hands on Mr WMN, the bastar...
by elbowpatch
July 6th, 2012, 5:03 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: The Remnant: revised
Replies: 12
Views: 2418

Re: Query: The Remnant

Thanks for your comments. Here's the easy fix, (thanks rstearns). I could write the query letter from the perspective of a character, but since I have more of an ensemble cast, I feel it wouldn't really convey the sense of the book. I'd appreciate anyone's thoughts on this. I am writing to inquire i...
by elbowpatch
July 6th, 2012, 4:52 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Tidal Wave - YA Fantasy
Replies: 6
Views: 1399

Re: Tidal Wave - YA Fantasy

I like your format, but I don't know what agents would think. I also used an untraditional format. Sent out 8 queries, got one partial, but I had a connection, so that may tell you something. Why not start with: On the fourteenth of June, Venice met the boy who would kill her. (Assuming that the kil...
by elbowpatch
July 3rd, 2012, 12:08 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: PRINCESS OF SWANS -- YA Fantasy
Replies: 12
Views: 2846

Re: PRINCESS OF SWANS -- YA Fantasy

I actually like version two better than version three. It's a pretty solid query, but here are some minor suggestions. Dear Agent, Twenty-year-old Feyana Belmaron--Amgovar's first female Prince of Swans and sole heir to the country's throne--should be the most powerful woman alive. Instead, she is ...
by elbowpatch
July 3rd, 2012, 11:33 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Military Urban Fantasy Query
Replies: 8
Views: 1400

Re: Military Urban Fantasy Query

Looks good to me. Read it aloud and then send it out. I caught a missing "the" before "coalition."
by elbowpatch
July 3rd, 2012, 12:39 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Military Urban Fantasy Query
Replies: 8
Views: 1400

Re: Military Urban Fantasy Query

Wonderfully written. I'd read it. Here's a minor tweak to consider. Perhaps you might want to highlight the struggle between Cal and the spirit that possesses her. Something like But the spirit does not want to negotiate. It is hell bent on vengeance against the coalition and the Taliban. Cal must f...
by elbowpatch
July 2nd, 2012, 11:53 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: The Remnant: revised
Replies: 12
Views: 2418

Query: The Remnant: revised

To the Forum readers: I thank you in advance for any comments. I'm particularly worried about my format and the section titled Style. The query appears below I am writing to inquire if you would be interested in representing THE REMNANT, an 82,000 word novel of historical fiction. The historical fac...
by elbowpatch
July 2nd, 2012, 11:37 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: The Pawn
Replies: 7
Views: 1567

Re: Query: The Pawn

Merry, You're playing here with Norse mythology which I love, but it is unclear if your novel exists in the world of Norse mythology or simply draws upon elements from it. If Asgard has fallen, has Ragnarok occurred? In terms of style I think you should start with It has been six years since... I do...
by elbowpatch
July 2nd, 2012, 11:16 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Death's Catalyst
Replies: 15
Views: 3999

Re: Query: Death's Catalyst

Brian, I sense there's a really good novel here, but the query doesn't convey it. Here are three suggestions 1) I assume the following: Death's Catalyst killed Ben's son. Death's Catalyst (DC) manipulated either Ben's wife or DC's wife into killing someone. DC, as his name implies, murders by manipu...