Search found 26 matches

by Nessa
March 4th, 2010, 11:54 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First few Paragraphs YA suspense - Black Horse -Working Titl
Replies: 6
Views: 1596

First few Paragraphs YA suspense - Black Horse -Working Titl

I am just starting a novel. Well really I am more like one third finished. At this point though I am really looking towards opinions on my hook and my first few sentences. So here it goes. Tell me what you guys think and if it hooks you at all. Tell me if I suck too! I always thought my sister would...
by Nessa
February 11th, 2010, 4:27 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: rip my first query to shreads!!
Replies: 6
Views: 1607

rip my first query to shreads!!

I have just completed a new novel that I would like to query. I really appreciate all of your advice. To be honest I am on revision stage but I had beta's that really liked it so here goes! Dear Agent, After playing a part in a planned robbery that had gone insanely wrong, seventeen year old Lydia r...
by Nessa
January 7th, 2010, 9:42 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: TWO SIDES OF TRUTH - Critique away!
Replies: 8
Views: 1922

Re: TWO SIDES OF TRUTH - Critique away!

thanks guys so much for your great help! Here is the newer version. I ussed all what you guys suggested. I am honestly not great at queries so I am very thankful for this help. Dear Wonderful agent, Kirby was forced to move into the small town of Capingham with her grandma when her parents were murd...
by Nessa
January 6th, 2010, 9:28 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: TWO SIDES OF TRUTH - Critique away!
Replies: 8
Views: 1922

TWO SIDES OF TRUTH - Critique away!

Scroll down for revision. So guys I am a very multi-tasking person and I completed another novel. I am hoping that this one is better then what I have written before and has chances of publishing. Here is my query. Also tell me if this is something you would be interested in reading if you saw it o...
by Nessa
December 25th, 2009, 10:11 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - The Volatiles
Replies: 8
Views: 2059

Re: Query Critique - The Volatiles

Thanks guys. I have taken time off for the day and returned and mingled with my query. I hope it makes much better sense now. To a Superp Agent, (Inserts name) Braden first discovered his gift of hypnosis at a very young age. Able to manipulate and shut down minds, his untrained power killed his bes...
by Nessa
December 25th, 2009, 11:00 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - The Volatiles
Replies: 8
Views: 2059

Re: Query Critique - The Volatiles

THE NEWEST VERSION IS AT THE BOTTOM! Thanks so much Dakota! I don't think you are new to this, your suggestions were very very helpful!! Thank you! Here is the newest version guys. Sorry I am redoing this so many times I am just uncovering so many new things that you guys helped out with. Oh and als...
by Nessa
December 24th, 2009, 10:56 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Sam said vs. said Sam
Replies: 10
Views: 2499

Re: Sam said vs. said Sam

what feels right...
by Nessa
December 24th, 2009, 9:52 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - The Volatiles
Replies: 8
Views: 2059

Re: Query Critique - The Volatiles

SCROLL DOWN DOWN DOWN TO THE BOTTM FOR THE VERY NEW VERSION!! Thanks for your suggestions! Here is an updated version. I didn't notice that my hook was a little but messed up. You start missing those little nasties when you have your eyes glued to this query for days... Dear Superb agent, Braden fi...
by Nessa
December 24th, 2009, 6:39 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique - The Volatiles
Replies: 8
Views: 2059

Query Critique - The Volatiles

****** UPDATED VERSION, SCROLL DOWN :)******** Ok guys so I was nervous in putting this up, because maybe it’s really bad but I am giving it a shot :) Be rough and tell me if it sucks. I lurked on these forums a while and finally joined. This YA Fantasy novel is called The Volatiles. Thanks you for ...
by Nessa
December 24th, 2009, 6:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Critique--Aurumenas REVISED (again)
Replies: 18
Views: 4183

Re: Query Critique--Aurumenas

I will drop my two cents in, even though you have got great replies already :) --Personalized paragraph to connect with agent-- Nathadria escaped the dark abyss of a prison ship with a six foot hound snapping at her head only to be thrust into a war of her making. (Awkward sentence...) Her enemies k...
by Nessa
December 24th, 2009, 6:30 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: How many of you write while tipsy?
Replies: 18
Views: 4506

Re: How many of you write while tipsy?

mostly sober when I write.