Search found 31 matches

by akila
April 18th, 2011, 12:19 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: YA Fantasy - First 500 Words
Replies: 8
Views: 2651

Re: YA Fantasy - First 500 Words

I'm so sorry but I also like the first version much better, too. I think the two characters are very different --- in the second version, she comes across as a typical teenage protagonist in a YA novel but in the first one, she seems a bit more mature and worldly. I personally like description, too,...
by akila
April 17th, 2011, 11:32 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Young adult fantasy - first page
Replies: 4
Views: 1685

Re: Young adult fantasy - first page

It's interesting that the two main characters are older since this is a YA fantasy . . . or am I assuming incorrectly that Catherine and Scott are the two main characters? I think there are some issues here that solid editing can fix: 1. Use of passive voice: "is awoken" to "wakes." 2. Filler words,...
by akila
April 17th, 2011, 11:15 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: YA Horror - 600 Words *Edited*
Replies: 14
Views: 4094

Re: YA Horror - 600 Words

Falls Apart - I think you nailed it on the hand. It's honestly less about being offended and more about believability. If I got to that section, I would assume that you didn't know much about first-generation Indians living in the U.S., kind of like what your friend said to you about being bi --- it...
by akila
April 17th, 2011, 11:08 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Gyllada's Riddle
Replies: 8
Views: 1322

Re: Query Gyllada's Riddle

Sarahdee - Ahhh, I totally get it now. So, the reason that he is her "almost step-father" is because he was going to marry her mother and then Mags' sister killed the mother. So, they're both mourning for the mom and hate the sister, right? Mags hates planning, organising or anything that requires s...
by akila
April 17th, 2011, 10:43 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at page 2)
Replies: 19
Views: 3245

Re: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at post 5)

Thank y'all so much again. Your comments are really helping me figure out exactly what's wrong with my query and how I want to represent it to agents. The first thing is that I want to get away from the romance aspect --- yes, there is romance threaded throughout the novel (as in most novels), but, ...
by akila
April 16th, 2011, 9:16 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: YA Horror - 600 Words *Edited*
Replies: 14
Views: 4094

Re: YA Horror - 600 Words

I actually like the description - I think it sets the stage for what's going to happen next but horror isn't my genre either. I think there are a few awkward sentences but I really like the way you start with the first paragraph. Rajan was an average boy, the type you’d see on a missing child poster...
by akila
April 16th, 2011, 8:45 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at page 2)
Replies: 19
Views: 3245

Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at post 4)

fishfood and AllieS, thank you so much! This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear because I obviously didn't spend enough time researching queries before posting this. Both of y'all are so nice to be so nice to me in your critiques. I apologize for making y'all read that first hot mess --- I am seriousl...
by akila
April 15th, 2011, 1:20 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at page 2)
Replies: 19
Views: 3245

Re: Query - Moonlight Falters (Contemporary Fantasy)

Sorry - I meant to ask a question at the bottom of that last post and forgot. Does it make sense for me to call it an "adult contemporary fantasy" or is "adult" assumed if I call it "contemporary fantasy?" It is definitely NOT a YA novel --- way too much sex and religion --- and I don't want to conf...
by akila
April 15th, 2011, 1:12 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at page 2)
Replies: 19
Views: 3245

Query - Moonlight Falters (new version at page 2)

First of all, thank you all for helping me with this query. I very much appreciate any comments and criticisms you may have. Dear Agent: Moonlight shatters the clouds the night the woman Fades to Atlanta. Rafi has been missing for three weeks and the loss of her brother cracks her appearance, thread...
by akila
April 15th, 2011, 10:13 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: OVERBOARD - New 1st Person Query (4th Revision at Post 11)
Replies: 11
Views: 1874

Re: OVERBOARD - New 1st Person Query (Revised at Post 3)

Really interesting concept. Okay, here goes: Dear Agent, I pulled a trigger, killed my father, and half a year later I’m face down in Memphis mud trying to forget the girl who betrayed me. Love the start to this query. I laid Pa in his grave, buried the guilt in myself, and left home on the first av...
by akila
April 15th, 2011, 9:59 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Chapter Word Counts
Replies: 11
Views: 1249

Re: Chapter Word Counts

Thanks all! This is INCREDIBLY helpful. Originally, I was aiming for 5,000 word long chapters but 6,000 seemed a better fit because I switch continuously between two POVs. I think I'm going to leave it as is and when I get feedback from beta readers, I might end up breaking it up. Thanks!
by akila
April 14th, 2011, 1:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: "I Just Need Some Space" (version 2)
Replies: 5
Views: 1023

Re: QUERY: "I Just Need Some Space" (version 2)

John - I personally love SciFi and saw your note on the other forum about the worry that people don't like SciFi. So, I'm approaching this query from the perspective of a SciFi reader/enthusiast: ]Near-omnipotent aliens are considering donating their advanced technology to the people of Earth…if the...
by akila
April 14th, 2011, 1:10 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Chapter Word Counts
Replies: 11
Views: 1249

Chapter Word Counts

Do you write your chapters so they have consistent word counts? My chapters tend to run around 6,000 words, give or take a couple of hundred words, but I have one chapter that is at 8,000 words. It is all on one topic and stands together well, but it is SO long. In total, my ms stands at 99,000 word...
by akila
April 13th, 2011, 6:57 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Gyllada's Riddle
Replies: 8
Views: 1322

Re: Query Gyllada's Riddle

Mags hates planning, organising or anything that requires sitting still for five minutes. As a ‘police woman’ for a secret society of witches, it is a good thing she has Henri, her best friend and almost step father there to help her as she battles dragons, retrieves stolen magical artefacts and rou...
by akila
April 13th, 2011, 6:37 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Pen names
Replies: 23
Views: 3132

Re: Pen names

This whole thread me feel much better because Sierra McConnell said that her name sounds "sparkly" and my real name is kinda similar to hers. My real name: Akila McConnell. As far as I can tell, I am the only Akila McConnell in the world because my name is a mix of an Indian first name married to an...