Search found 33 matches

by mnaylor3
January 11th, 2011, 10:38 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: CONTROL - YA - Opening (400 words) - Revised
Replies: 5
Views: 1949

Re: CONTROL - YA - Opening (400 words)

I get the impression she's a very itchy, panicky, sick feeling girl. I think that's good stuff to know about her. I'd also like to see this girl have expectations that show us more about her right up front, but that won't risk slowing down all the realizing she's doing. Here's a couple of not very g...
by mnaylor3
January 10th, 2011, 1:16 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: YA Fantasy - First 350 words
Replies: 8
Views: 2138

Re: YA Fantasy - First 350 words

CHAPTER ONE He had no choice. Kill or die. The crunch of the gravel below his boots echoed up and filled his ears. With one final glance toward his father on the throne, Vitiosus clutched his sword by the handle and tore the cold steel from its scabbard with a sing. He was determined to make his fa...
by mnaylor3
January 10th, 2011, 12:59 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Feedback Appreciated
Replies: 5
Views: 1833

Re: Feedback Appreciated

I had to read over this passage a couple of times to figure out what's going on.

I think Timothy is admiring a new landscape and discovering Father Serra's malady simultaneously as walk to a mission?