Search found 33 matches

by mnaylor3
February 14th, 2011, 10:04 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: Great Gatsby Video Game
Replies: 6
Views: 1725

Great Gatsby Video Game

Using Nathan's post about The Great Gatsby as a jumping off point, here's a link to the Great Gatsby video game. You get to be Nick Carraway. It's very Nintendo-ish.
by mnaylor3
February 12th, 2011, 12:56 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: u
Replies: 3
Views: 1494

Re: Don't Forget To Buy Wands, People.

A couple of trouble makers wind up being sent off to a wizard school. I like the idea. The Principal seems like a real weirdo. I like that. I wish you would reveal why they had to go to the Principal's office. It would give us some insight into what kind of kids they are. I hope they are of the misu...
by mnaylor3
February 11th, 2011, 11:05 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: The Black Thumb
Replies: 3
Views: 1503

Re: The Black Thumb

I like the character and I definitely like the idea plant killing.

It feels a bit novel-ish to me than short story. I feel like being prepped to ruminate with the character. I wish the character tackled a problem, had a conflict, made a major decision right away.

Keep at it,
by mnaylor3
February 6th, 2011, 12:41 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Historical Fiction - IN THE SHADOW OF THE KINGDOM
Replies: 5
Views: 2152

Re: Historical Fiction - IN THE SHADOW OF THE KINGDOM

I like what's going on here. A woman finds an injured man in rocky beach basin, but both might be washed away by the rising tide. Looks like you're going for cinematic third person and that's fine; but because things are so dire in your scene, I wish I could see it from her perspective. Using every ...
by mnaylor3
February 4th, 2011, 6:29 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: How We Relate to Writing
Replies: 24
Views: 7530

Re: How We Relate to Writing

I have this cat that always meows at a closed door. She never stops meowing until that door is opened. It drives me nuts. So, I open the door. That's one way I think of why I write.
by mnaylor3
February 4th, 2011, 6:20 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: An Island Never Cries - Women's Fiction - 1st 5 paragraphs
Replies: 5
Views: 1962

Re: An Island Never Cries - Women's Fiction - 1st 5 paragraphs

I get the impression that there is a girl and she's having a psychological episode of sort. That certainly interests me. (1) It reads third person limited point of view. That's a fine way to do a story. (2) I don't see any ambiguity, but vagueness. If you're not sure what vagueness is, it looks like...
by mnaylor3
February 2nd, 2011, 10:45 am
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Seeking Beta Reader(s) for Long Walks on the Beach...
Replies: 3
Views: 1485

Re: Seeking Beta Reader(s) for Long Walks on the Beach...

I'd like to read your first 50 if that's all right with you?
by mnaylor3
January 31st, 2011, 10:01 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Unknown a story in progress
Replies: 8
Views: 2624

Re: Unknown a story in progress

I like the premise. A heartbroken girl goes on a trip. Sounds interesting. One thing I'd do is read all the dialogue out loud to see if it flows predictably. Try reading this sentence out loud: “Kayliegh, you better get upstairs, and finish packing because we are going to have to be leaving for the ...
by mnaylor3
January 19th, 2011, 10:20 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Voodoo Dues - UF Excerpt
Replies: 5
Views: 2423

Re: Voodoo Dues - UF Excerpt

I like the opener. The impression I get is she's clearly out of place and she'll discover a new world of voodoo. I like that a powerful visitor has arrived too. I have to confess, though, I got really confused while reading it. Is Marie freaking Laveau the same person as The Marie of the Cliff and t...
by mnaylor3
January 18th, 2011, 10:04 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: YA Fantasy - First 500 Words
Replies: 8
Views: 2955

Re: YA Fantasy - First 500 Words

After a read through, I think there might be tension because of the last couple of lines - but I'm not very sure. I do wish Alya was striving harder to get what she wanted. It must be important if she wants to do this other thing on her birthday, but I don't think I get the full effect. Anyway, keep...
by mnaylor3
January 18th, 2011, 10:23 am
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Need a Critique Partner for my YA novel!
Replies: 4
Views: 1668

Re: Need a Critique Partner for my YA novel!

Hey lorimlee, I haven't got a response for Natasha (the original poster). Want to team up?
by mnaylor3
January 14th, 2011, 10:04 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First 400 Words, Narrative Non-fiction
Replies: 6
Views: 2428

Re: First 400 Words, Narrative Non-fiction

Thanks mnaylor, I appreciate it. I like the idea of changing the opening, been playing around with not opening with dialogue. I don't want the reader to be confused about what's happening, because I haven't set it up properly. Thoughts anyone? Your welcome. Oh, I forgot to mention how I found this ...
by mnaylor3
January 13th, 2011, 11:28 am
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Need a Critique Partner for my YA novel!
Replies: 4
Views: 1668

Re: Need a Critique Partner for my YA novel!

I'd like to partner up with you.
by mnaylor3
January 13th, 2011, 10:30 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First 400 Words, Narrative Non-fiction
Replies: 6
Views: 2428

Re: First 400 Words, Narrative Non-fiction

There's something a little charming about excerpt. I just wish the last sentence was the first: I wasn’t supposed to be in London, and I certainly wasn’t supposed to be in a palace. I can tell this girl is clearly out of place, but it's a little awkward in telling, for instance: I picked up a newspa...
by mnaylor3
January 12th, 2011, 7:10 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: American Mafia
Replies: 2
Views: 562

Re: American Mafia

I think it's a great idea if the mafia members were all gay. You could call it Gayfia.