Search found 40 matches

by D.T.Roberts
February 10th, 2011, 5:35 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: IRREFUTABLE
Replies: 19
Views: 3568

Re: Query: IRREFUTABLE

REVISED: Thanks to all for your input. Here is my revised version. All comments welcome. Dear (Agent), Detective Alex Mendez built his career on irrefutable facts. Now, a sociopathic forensic nurse turns Alex’s life up-side-down when she plants her cheating boyfriend’s semen into the evidence kits f...
by D.T.Roberts
February 10th, 2011, 1:37 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: IRREFUTABLE
Replies: 19
Views: 3568

Re: Query: IRREFUTABLE

Hi D.T. Here are my comments: I think this is begging for specifics. The first three sentences of the second graph - the setup - are good. I get it - our protagonist is a widow with a teenager and a demanding detective job. Some literary tones here that resonate with me, at least. After that, thoug...
by D.T.Roberts
February 5th, 2011, 5:19 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: An Island Never Cries - Women's Fiction - 1st 5 paragraphs
Replies: 5
Views: 1651

Re: An Island Never Cries - Women's Fiction - 1st 5 paragraphs

I agree with mnaylor3. The first couple of paragraphs left me going huh? They were much clearer after I read the whole thing then went back and re-read the first part. Unfortunately, you don't want to make your reader have to read anything twice. Overall I like this. I'm not sure about using the con...
by D.T.Roberts
February 5th, 2011, 1:42 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - The Coming
Replies: 6
Views: 1536

Re: Query - The Coming

If your query has in fact resulted in 3 requests out of 6, you're batting .500 If it's that effective, who are we to offer ways to improve it?
by D.T.Roberts
February 1st, 2011, 9:04 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: IRREFUTABLE
Replies: 19
Views: 3568

Re: Query: IRREFUTABLE

REVISED. I have taken all comments into consideration. Thanks to all. Dear Agent, In his world, where everything is built on fact, Detective Alex Mendez discovers the hard way that nothing is as it appears. Even the most compelling DNA evidence is far from irrefutable. Battling personal demons afte...
by D.T.Roberts
January 31st, 2011, 8:10 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Unknown a story in progress
Replies: 8
Views: 2273

Re: Unknown a story in progress

Stardust,
One of the main benefits to offering critiques on other's work is, it will help you look at your own work with a more critical eye. I reccomend that you do as many critiques as you can.
mnaylor make a good point. If a line is awkward to read out loud, it will be awkward for your readers.
by D.T.Roberts
January 31st, 2011, 2:13 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 213
Views: 120247

Re: Nominate Your Query for a Critique on the Blog

In his world, where everything is based on facts, Detective Alex Mendez learns the hard way that nothing is as it seems. Even DNA, the most compelling scientific evidence, is anything but irrefutable. Six years after the death of his wife, Alex is raising his sixteen year old daughter alone. Their r...
by D.T.Roberts
January 31st, 2011, 1:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: IRREFUTABLE
Replies: 19
Views: 3568

Re: Query: IRREFUTABLE

REVISED Does this flow any better? In his world, where everything is based on facts, Detective Alex Mendez learns the hard way that nothing is as it seems. Even DNA, the most compelling scientific evidence, is anything but irrefutable. Six years after the death of his wife, Alex is raising his sixt...
by D.T.Roberts
January 28th, 2011, 7:37 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: IRREFUTABLE
Replies: 19
Views: 3568

Re: Query: IRREFUTABLE

Thanks Kevin,
I guess I must have at least got something right. You seem to have a good understanding of the story.
I agree with your suggestion for the one sentence.
I'll try to go thru and tighten things up a bit.
Thanks for your input. It is appreciated.
by D.T.Roberts
January 28th, 2011, 7:05 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Unknown a story in progress
Replies: 8
Views: 2273

Re: Unknown a story in progress

This is the start of a story that I have recently pulled back out, I had put it away for awhile. As with most things in life when you have something stuck in your head that wants to wrok it way out onto to paper it becomes hard to ignore. Slowly I am convincing myself this going somewhere. Here is ...
by D.T.Roberts
January 28th, 2011, 6:47 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: IRREFUTABLE
Replies: 19
Views: 3568

Query: IRREFUTABLE

My novel is finished and I'm ready to query. I think this sounds good but I would like more subjective eyes to take a look. Any and all comments welcome. Thanks in advance for your time. In his world, where everything is based on hard facts, Detective Alex Mendez learns the hard way that not everyth...
by D.T.Roberts
December 8th, 2010, 3:39 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Exerpt scene from IRREFUTABLE.
Replies: 6
Views: 2252

Exerpt scene from IRREFUTABLE.

Sample scene from new WIP. I'm going for just a touch of suspense. I want to know if you, as a reader would be interested enough to read on. It appeared on the right. High up on the wall near the ceiling and moved slowly to the left, toward the corner, then across the wall in front of her. It was sh...
by D.T.Roberts
October 21st, 2010, 5:23 pm
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: How old are you?
Replies: 113
Views: 22583

Re: How old are you?

I'm 48 I wrote a few songs in my 30's. This is my first attempt and anything longer that 16 lines.
by D.T.Roberts
October 21st, 2010, 5:06 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: 1st page, YA Dystopia (THE LAICOS PROJECT)
Replies: 9
Views: 2985

Re: 1st page, YA Dystopia (THE LAICOS PROJECT)

This is an intriguing beginning. I wonder, is it in the distant past when people lived in tribes? A Post-apocalyptic society where groups fight over resources or a strange new world, yet to be discovered by the reader? I have only a few comments below. Today is the last day I will see my brother. I ...
by D.T.Roberts
October 21st, 2010, 2:18 pm
Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
Topic: Plot outline
Replies: 3
Views: 1760

Plot outline

I have scrapped the original WIP and started fresh with a new perspective. Here is the new plot outline, Sans Finis. Let me know what you think. Plot outline After the death of his wife, Alex Mendez has raised his daughter, who is now 16, alone. His job, as a violent crimes detective, has kept him f...