Search found 134 matches

by androidblues
March 7th, 2011, 10:42 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: AMÉRICA! (Hist. Fic.) - New Version Top of Page 2
Replies: 21
Views: 2253

Re: Query: AMÉRICA! (Historical Fiction) - New Version

Dear [AGENT], Lieutenant-Colonel José de San Martín deserts the Spanish Army, desperate to free his homeland, and to conquer his opium addiction. This line isn't really doing anything for me. It's probably just me though. Why does he need to conquer his opium addiction? I'm assuming that he is Argen...
by androidblues
March 4th, 2011, 12:30 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
Replies: 27
Views: 4356

Re: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)

I'm going with misstante's version Query #1. It gets to the point quicker and it grabs me into the story while leaving room for conflict at the end. If I may say one thing, this isn't seeming like Paranormal Romance to me. Paranormal, yes, but Paranormal Romance is typically reserved for books like ...
by androidblues
March 3rd, 2011, 2:17 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Blood Legacy - YA Fantasy REVISED
Replies: 21
Views: 3620

Re: Query: Blood Legacy - YA Fantasy

I think this is reading more like an outline than a query. I don't really have a good feel for Dani or what she wants. Does this story take place in our world or another world? I'm also wondering how she traces her family into the alternate world and why the villain wants her dead. What special powe...
by androidblues
December 1st, 2010, 1:46 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: What is your go-to book?
Replies: 29
Views: 3199

Re: What is your go-to book?

Kira-Kira and Love, Stargirl. I can read those any day.
by androidblues
December 1st, 2010, 1:45 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: How do terrible books get published?
Replies: 79
Views: 21442

Re: How do terrible books get published?

Entertainment Value is different from Literary Value. Twilight might suck but it entertains people, just like dancing monkey videos. Now to my English teacher, well she might have given it an F if it were a school project. Just goes to shows that people prefer entertainment over anything else. Only ...
by androidblues
December 1st, 2010, 1:40 pm
Forum: Self-Publishing
Topic: JA Konrath
Replies: 32
Views: 5978

Re: JA Konrath

Have you checked out how much these cost? For a good freelance editor, looking at a whole novel, you're looking at four figures. Four figures in front of the decimal point. And the first number isn't usually a '1'. I've heard of top-notch editors who cost more. Much more. I suspect self-pub operati...
by androidblues
November 24th, 2010, 7:14 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Horror/Fantasy Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1763

Re: YA Horror/Fantasy Query

Much better, if anything explain why no-one is freaked out about the girl coming back to life. Why isn't this weird? Why isn't it on the news? And list next to your word count whether or not this is fantasy, horror, or a comedy. Tighten up the second paragraph as well. Why doesn't she want her mothe...
by androidblues
November 21st, 2010, 10:16 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA Horror/Fantasy Query
Replies: 11
Views: 1763

Re: YA Horror/Fantasy Query

Is this fantasy? If so, I'd mention it near the word count. This is reading more a like a synopsis, or really a list of things that happen to Leigh. And I'm sort of confused as to why people are coming back from the dead. Are they zombies? Why isn't the government doing anything? Why aren't people f...
by androidblues
November 21st, 2010, 10:05 am
Forum: Books
Topic: The BEST of Short Stories
Replies: 12
Views: 1828

Re: The BEST of Short Stories

Ray Bradbury and Philip K. Dick all the way. Behind Lies the Wub - Awesome.
by androidblues
November 20th, 2010, 10:57 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: What is a Subplot?
Replies: 27
Views: 3893

Re: What is a Subplot?

Think of the subplot like this. You have a goal in life right? Whether it be to become rich, or get famous, or whatever. That is your main goal. How you approach that is your main plot. Lets say you meet a that special someone while you're working to become rich. Pursuing them becomes a sub-plot in ...
by androidblues
November 19th, 2010, 7:45 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (Newer Draft on page 2)
Replies: 15
Views: 3301

Re: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (New Draft on page 2)

Tessa sounds too passive to me. She doesn't really do anything, but rather things are happening around her. Also, why is the world under wizard rule a bad thing? I understand the stakes, but why is the Fire Wizard evil? Uniting a people under common rule was what Genghis Khan, Caesar, and Alexander ...
by androidblues
November 19th, 2010, 7:41 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: First Query Description -- WESTERN WASTE
Replies: 30
Views: 4357

Re: First Query Description -- WESTERN WASTE

Much better but I'd cut out Zebra Love. the Impoundment, and the Last Snout, to focus on the major conflict -- the Finale. I don't like that I know Derek dies right off the bat. This a great improvement over your other queries. at least to me. But hit with more query and less synopsis.
by androidblues
November 19th, 2010, 12:27 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Non-sterotypical Relationships
Replies: 20
Views: 5487

Re: Non-sterotypical Relationships

'That is true. Twilight was written for adults, but later was turned into YA. But there was nothing in Twilight, content wise -- and I'm an anti so I have certain objections to many morals Twilight puts out but that's for another day -- that would object to teens. And it takes place in a high school...
by androidblues
November 19th, 2010, 11:48 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT - New Revision - Revision #3
Replies: 15
Views: 2711

Re: Query: HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT - New Revision - Revision #3

I'm going to give this a go. Magellan Talbot is having a chat with a goddess, and she’s not happy with him. Reword, right now the subject of this sentence is confusing. Before I realized that Magellan was a guy I thought that he wasn't happy with the goddess. Word like this -- A goddess is having a...
by androidblues
November 19th, 2010, 11:05 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Question About Query
Replies: 3
Views: 669

Re: Question About Query

This is almost already a query by itself - the background, the shocking event, and the conflict: becoming someone they never wanted to be, because they're trying too hard. Sounds like a really interesting story and I'd love to see your query when it's finished. That was my favorite too, I just didn...