Search found 134 matches

by androidblues
October 3rd, 2010, 11:59 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Summertime Query
Replies: 28
Views: 3781

Re: Summertime Query

Twelve-year-old Summer Thomas is mature beyond her years. She tried to give a valediction in 5th grade when she was head of the honor roll, she gave her older brother monetary advice when he entered college, and she even wrote an unsuccessful advice column for her sister's high school friends. Unfor...
by androidblues
October 3rd, 2010, 2:09 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Summertime Query
Replies: 28
Views: 3781

Re: Summertime Query

Twelve-year-old Summer Thomas is mature beyond her years. She tried to give a valediction in 5th grade when she was head of the honor roll, she gave her older brother monetary advice when he entered college, and she even wrote an unsuccessful advice column for her sister's high school friends. Unfor...
by androidblues
October 3rd, 2010, 1:04 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Summertime Query
Replies: 28
Views: 3781

Re: Summertime Query

Thanks wilderness. I agree I'm still missing some funny bits. I'll revise it again tomorrow and post it.
by androidblues
October 2nd, 2010, 9:03 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query 'Kat's Tale'
Replies: 7
Views: 1148

Re: Query 'Kat's Tale'

Totally agree with wilderness, focus more on the protag and her journey. And make me feel why she should beat the bad guys. If I don't feel that they are evil, I being weird, will most likely root for them. Do they want to rule the world, enslave the world, or kill and eat people? Why should I root ...
by androidblues
October 2nd, 2010, 8:57 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Big Mouth Blues -- Contemporary YA -- PLEASE HELP
Replies: 10
Views: 1578

Re: Big Mouth Blues -- Contemporary YA -- PLEASE HELP

glj hit the nail on the hammer. Or is it the hammer on the nail? Regardless of that I agree that you run the risk of going into dangerous territory to far. I'm unsure as to if you want me to try and sympathize with the father or hate him based on the last line. Abusive father's are kinda iffy with m...
by androidblues
October 2nd, 2010, 8:19 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: AMÉRICA! - Query - Historical Fiction
Replies: 21
Views: 2791

Re: AMÉRICA! - Query - Historical Fiction

glj gives you some excellent advice. May I add that Nathan says he really likes Historical Fiction, unless you've already queried him.
by androidblues
October 2nd, 2010, 8:12 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Big Mouth Blues -- Contemporary YA -- PLEASE HELP
Replies: 10
Views: 1578

Re: Big Mouth Blues -- Contemporary YA -- PLEASE HELP

Sounds like a Patricia McCormick, which if done right is good but the surprise is more V.C Andrews. I agree with most of the changes that Quill suggested but unless the hook is just a hook, and not just the climax revelation (like Snape being the half-blood prince) you should leave it out because I ...
by androidblues
October 2nd, 2010, 7:55 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Swayed
Replies: 6
Views: 1241

Re: Query: Swayed

I agree with all stated above. Especially the part about getting to know Caleb. I think that is the most important thing you need to focus on because right now I don't have a single clue about his personality. Is he like Harry Potter, Bella Swan, Eragon, Frodo? I don't know so I can't really judge o...
by androidblues
October 2nd, 2010, 7:49 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: query: flight - REVISED and READY TO SEND
Replies: 8
Views: 1842

Re: query: flight - REVISED

When this is revised it sounds like it will be pretty awesome. My only worry is that I hope in your novel you have me rooting for Sam and thinking Joe is a jerk or at least not perfect for her, otherwise I'll think badly of Maria.
by androidblues
October 2nd, 2010, 7:31 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Chosen by the Gods- Urban Fantasy
Replies: 15
Views: 2355

Re: Chosen by the Gods- Urban Fantasy

This is really awesome now. Just one typo is all, inside of her, not insider of her. Good job :D
by androidblues
October 2nd, 2010, 4:44 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Chosen by the Gods- Urban Fantasy
Replies: 15
Views: 2355

Re: Chosen by the Gods- Urban Fantasy

College student, Eliahna Shay, has been born with the rare ability to become a Chosen, a secret group of men and women who act as the hand of their patron God on earth. This is a bit confusing. I am unsure if the group is called chosen or if she is a chosen. Perhaps it should be worded, Eliahna Sha...
by androidblues
October 2nd, 2010, 1:17 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Summertime Query
Replies: 28
Views: 3781

Revised Summertime Query

Twelve-year-old Summer Thomas is mature beyond her years. She tried to give a valediction in 5th grade when she was head of the honor roll, she gave her older brother monetary advice when he entered college, and she even wrote an advice column for her sister's high school friends. Unfortunately no o...
by androidblues
October 2nd, 2010, 1:05 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Amor for Love - Women's Fiction
Replies: 9
Views: 2405

Re: Query - Amor for Love - Women's Fiction

Amor for love means to love for love right? Is this commercial women's fiction of literary women's fiction?
by androidblues
October 2nd, 2010, 1:00 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Chosen by the Gods- Urban Fantasy
Replies: 15
Views: 2355

Re: Chosen by the Gods- Urban Fantasy

I understand why she needs to be atheist, but perhaps you could tie this in more with the world filled with gods. In the Candyman(bad example I know) Helen was punished for not believing in him. Is Eliahna punished for not believing in gods? If so please tell us because I am confused as to why they ...
by androidblues
October 1st, 2010, 7:06 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Summertime Query
Replies: 28
Views: 3781

Re: Summertime Query

If it is serious and she fails we'll be reading aboutthe broken heart of a 10-year-old. If it is serious and she succeeds, that's an entirely different thing and you'd be leading the reader to root on something creepy and, as you said before, illegal. Voice and tone will be really important here, b...