Search found 30 matches

by Mark17
October 14th, 2010, 9:36 pm
Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
Topic: Basic plot outline
Replies: 3
Views: 4206

Re: Basic plot outline

I think you definitely have enough to build on here. It's a basic murder mystery, but with a pretty unique setting. It will really all depend on how the characters come out, I think. From this little blurb I didn't get much about them but their professions, but obviously that would be flushed out if...
by Mark17
October 13th, 2010, 4:09 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Can you write anywhere?
Replies: 19
Views: 2787

Re: Can you write anywhere?

I started only at my kitchen table in the middle of the night, because I didn't want anyone to know what I was doing. Eventually that became too distracting, so I moved to the library. Libraries are great, but they close too early. I refused to be a cliche and go to a coffee shop, but eventually I g...
by Mark17
October 13th, 2010, 2:05 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Wizard Seeking Trophy Bride
Replies: 9
Views: 1369

Re: Wizard Seeking Trophy Bride

This sounds awesome and I'd definitely read it even with this query, but the query could definitely still be pumped up a little. I agree with the previous poster, I need a reason to care about Sonny. Dear _, Please consider representing my fantasy manuscript, WIZARD SEEKING TROPHY BRIDE, complete a...
by Mark17
October 10th, 2010, 11:19 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Book of Shadows, Horror Excerpt
Replies: 9
Views: 2146

Re: Book of Shadows, Horror Excerpt

I definitely don't think the beginning is a "it was all a dream" cop-out. Actually considering what happens later in the excerpt it's creepily effective. I'm a fan of including Charon in anything too. The opening graphic novel thing also works well because it gives a good sense of who Katydid (aweso...
by Mark17
October 4th, 2010, 10:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query -IRON HEART-
Replies: 24
Views: 3334

Re: Query -IRON HEART-

My 80,000-word teen novel, IRON HEART, is a steam-punk spin on the classic Brothers Grimm fairytale The Frog Prince . I would think about moving this to the end and start with the action of the story. You also don't need My 80,000 word novel, just IRON HEART (80,000 words) is a steam-punk spin on th...
by Mark17
October 4th, 2010, 11:11 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 38448

Re: Share your opening sentence!

I hadn’t expected to be chatting up a couple of lingerie clad sixty year old succubi this evening.

I love this, I have no idea where this story is going and want to know more.
by Mark17
October 1st, 2010, 3:11 pm
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: What's your favorite song that tells a story?
Replies: 58
Views: 13657

Re: What's your favorite song that tells a story?

So many choices. One definitely is "The Curse" by Josh Ritter, a mummy falls in love with the archeologist that finds him. But, of course, he's cursed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9XfFGIwXT8 And you gotta go country for story songs. "Old Red" by Blake Shelton is awesome. The dog gets a happy end...
by Mark17
October 1st, 2010, 1:09 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Summertime Query
Replies: 28
Views: 3397

Re: Summertime Query

What I get is that there is probably some light-hearted stuff that she does to try to win the boy, little things like the description of Zach tell me that. If that is the case I would say to show it more in this query. The query can be a little longer and you can show the voice a little more. I woul...
by Mark17
September 30th, 2010, 11:43 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Excerpt -- YA Fantasy, 3rd rev
Replies: 9
Views: 2567

Re: Excerpt -- YA Fantasy

I really like that opening image of a moving social hierarchy and I love that Ayla sits in the middle. The bus driver description is a little out of place, I like having him there, to juxtapose his lot in life compared to the kids, but maybe tighten up his description a little. Or start with the pop...
by Mark17
September 29th, 2010, 6:01 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Share your opening sentence!
Replies: 236
Views: 38448

Re: Share your opening sentence!

From THE FERRYMAN

Charlie had been a ferryman since the day he died.
by Mark17
September 28th, 2010, 2:32 am
Forum: Writing
Topic: Passive Voice Debate
Replies: 40
Views: 10049

Re: Passive Voice Debate

Thank you all for this thread, this is a problem I'm trying to deal with right now in my WIP. The above example actually helped me with some of the problems. Because of the aforementioned, I've been real conscious of passive voice in my reading. I'm reading Sirens of Titan right now and noticed that...
by Mark17
September 27th, 2010, 11:26 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Is my query query-ish enough?
Replies: 13
Views: 1805

Re: Is my query query-ish enough?

If you haven't already, definitely read all the posts on Queryshark.com, it will help immensely. The Shark recommends putting your title, genre and word count at the end of the query, that way if an agent is turned off by one of those things, they may already be hooked by the meat of the query. RON...
by Mark17
September 27th, 2010, 10:16 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First page of YA novel, Jasmine Powers, Super Geek
Replies: 7
Views: 2240

Re: First page of YA novel, Jasmine Powers, Super Geek

Hey sistah, I really liked the passage, I'd definitely read on. The only thing I would say you don't have to put the thoughts in italics since it's first person. Her thoughts and asides are the narration. If the thoughts are just left as regular text I think the reader will be drawn to the narrator ...
by Mark17
September 27th, 2010, 12:10 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: SPIDER: Chapter 2
Replies: 3
Views: 1248

Re: SPIDER: Chapter 2

Hi Bartle, I was definitely intrigued by this passage. Very readable. I definitely wanted more. I loved the name Cemetery. The cat was the fruit of poisoned science? That is awesome. I can't wait to find out what that means. I also loved the use of the car Rolls Royce Phantom, the trunk swallowing l...
by Mark17
September 27th, 2010, 12:11 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: The End Begins: A Science Fiction Novel [Sixth Draft]
Replies: 18
Views: 2842

Re: The End Begins - A Science Fantasy Novel

I like how your query is concise and to the point, you get a sense of who the main character is and what's going on, but honestly I want more. It's only 152 words. You could get away with 100-200 more words. I'm interested in this world, what happened to make it like this? If this is America, what i...