Nathan Bransford - The Forums

A few hours ago, i read a query that had been revised. the best part was, a great difference came just from the re-arrangement of the sentences- so I think you should start with that. I have a rough idea: 1. Start with Dr. Holmes and his mission. 2. Introduce Richard- as one of his ''guinea pigs'. 3...

I like Shannon's character already! The determination to keep trying makes me love her even more. Just one point- maybe you can cut down just a bit on the examples of what she has to do. Yes, i know i am contradicting a lot of entries, but i guess if you put down instances that are completely imagin...

The first sentence- definite horror! Wonderful job! I think the query is awesome, just a few pointers: 1. " If she has to turn to Wicca and use her powers to seduce him—discovering she also has the gift of teleportation—then that’s exactly what she’ll do "- I am not too sure about the use of the wor...

The second draft had me hooked. The simple re arrangement of sentences made all the difference. Just a few pointers, though: 1. Chunky sentences, e.g She falls more and more often into the dark place the realm of the Forbidden, full of horrible and vivid images of death and the truth about her mothe...