Search found 63 matches

by fishfood
October 25th, 2010, 9:50 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Mainstream Novel Query - THE DIM MAN
Replies: 8
Views: 1472

Re: Mainstream Novel Query - THE DIM MAN

My general rule of thumb when reading queries, is if I have to re-read it to understand what's going on, something needs to change. Take that with a grain of salt because I don't claim to be the brightest bulb in the box either! However, once I figured out what was going on, I really think this is s...
by fishfood
October 25th, 2010, 9:12 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (Newer Draft on page 2)
Replies: 15
Views: 3384

Re: Query: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (second attempt)

Great novel you have here! I have a few minor critiques, and I think I will end up supporting the same suggestions of the earlier posters. Actually as is, I think this query would garner some requests, so don't feel like my suggestions are deal-breakers--as in you HAVE to make these changes otherwis...
by fishfood
October 25th, 2010, 8:48 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: ANTEDILUVIAN query
Replies: 41
Views: 6478

Re: ANTEDILUVIAN query

fishfood - thanks a ton for earlier critique - did I cover enough detail on the betrayal? priya g - thanks for the encouragement - you've helped a lot. wilderness - I think you were right about the level of specificity. I may have been treating it as more of a back-of-the-book teaser blurb than I s...
by fishfood
October 24th, 2010, 4:39 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: A Lullaby: giving it another shot
Replies: 26
Views: 3398

Re: A Lullaby: giving it another shot

Hi! I skimmed through some of the other comments, but decided that if I end up hitting on some of the same issues, it'll probably mean it's something that needs major fixing: So here goes! I am back with a lot more optimism and a larger appetite for help. please stab the query left right and center,...
by fishfood
October 24th, 2010, 4:23 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: When the Sun rises- Adult fiction
Replies: 3
Views: 776

Re: When the Sun rises- Adult fiction

Back again for some more feedback! thanks in advance for your help Christine Longman has been toiling nonstop for 40 years, each day working to fulfil her version of the American dream (what version is that?). She left high school (if you're going all the way back to high school, we need to know wh...
by fishfood
October 22nd, 2010, 11:59 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: ANTEDILUVIAN query
Replies: 41
Views: 6478

Re: ANTEDILUVIAN query

Hi fishfood -- In case you were referring to my critique -- my questions are not synopsis territory. I pointed to an article that Nathan posted and I stand by it. You should certainly not summarize plot details in a query because that is synopsis territory. However, whenever you insert a vague stat...
by fishfood
October 21st, 2010, 10:52 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: ANTEDILUVIAN query
Replies: 41
Views: 6478

Re: ANTEDILUVIAN query

I was browsing through some of the other comments and I wanted to step in and voice some thoughts to these suggestions. Correct me if I'm wrong, but there is a difference between a query and a synopsis and in defense of this query I think a lot of posters are asking too much in terms of explanation....
by fishfood
October 20th, 2010, 8:57 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: ANTEDILUVIAN query
Replies: 41
Views: 6478

Re: ANTEDILUVIAN query

Query revision. Hope I solved some problems without creating new ones. Have at it. Dear [agent], More than a thousand years have passed since the fall of man and the exit from Eden. The earth has been cursed, humans scrape meager livings from the soil, and legendary beasts roam the wilderness. The ...
by fishfood
October 19th, 2010, 10:15 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Wizard Seeking Trophy Bride
Replies: 9
Views: 1546

Re: Wizard Seeking Trophy Bride

Thanks for the feedback, eveyone. My main concern has been the last paragraph. My critique group was divided, with some liking it and some hating it. And I have often seen comments for the queries of others that one should never compare to a movie or TV show, only to another book. So I have wrestle...
by fishfood
October 19th, 2010, 9:57 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Mouths - YA Fantasy: All rejections, no requests = new query
Replies: 13
Views: 2556

Re: Mouths - YA Fantasy: All rejections, no requests = new query

I'm just going to critique this version. This is your latest, right? I skimmed through some other versions and I actually liked some of the elements from your earlier ones that you deleted here. But it's a matter of personal taste. I'm sure what I thought was cool, another poster put a big slash thr...
by fishfood
October 19th, 2010, 9:15 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY, New take
Replies: 7
Views: 1219

Re: I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY, New take

I think katbrauer nailed it, but I'll try to give some concrete ideas too. And there's this damsel in distress thing that I'm not really digging here. And I LOVE damsel in distress stuff, believe me. I'm as sap-tastic as you can get. However, there's got to be some personalities involved and I'm not...
by fishfood
October 17th, 2010, 9:28 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Young Adult Fantasy Query
Replies: 22
Views: 3052

Re: Young Adult Fantasy Query

You did a great job of using the awesome suggestions, but I noticed in the process you ended up cutting some vital information! I know it probably gets exhausting with everyone's suggestions, so bear with me. If I were an agent, I might request pages based on this heated argument ending in bloodshed...
by fishfood
October 17th, 2010, 5:09 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Little Black Box - Urban fantasy query *3RD REVISION*
Replies: 12
Views: 1989

Re: The Little Black Box - Urban fantasy query

Wow, I think the above posters nailed it with the above suggestions! So I'm not going to be adding a whole lot here and may even be repeating. I'm not a fan of vampire stories, but I do think you have a unique spin on a VERY popular genre. Dear (specific agent): There's a vampire loose in Savannah, ...
by fishfood
October 17th, 2010, 4:43 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: ANTEDILUVIAN query
Replies: 41
Views: 6478

Re: ANTEDILUVIAN query

Query, updated. All critiques and comments much appreciated. Dear [agent], More than a thousand years have passed since the fall of man and the exit from Eden. The earth has been cursed, humans scrape meager livings from the soil, and legendary beasts roam the wilderness. Angels have abandoned thei...
by fishfood
September 24th, 2010, 5:04 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Forsaken Ones Query-Paranormal novel
Replies: 10
Views: 1711

Re: Forsaken Ones Query-Paranormal novel

First of all, congrats on finishing your novel and reaching the query stage! Unfortunately this query commits many errors that are very common. A great place for studying these errors is queryshark.blogspot. Really take the time to read through the posts and you’ll recognize a lot of the mistakes. ...