Search found 63 matches

by fishfood
March 22nd, 2011, 9:25 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Romance Query: COVET *Revision 3 posted (4.5.11)*
Replies: 19
Views: 3884

Re: Romance Query: COVET *Revision 2 on first post*

Hey thanks Allie! I've been recommended to do different things with what you've pointed out. "fight side by side" was told to be included since there needs to be clarification that the King normally goes to battle with his army. Otherwise it would not be unusual for the King to stay behind. I had so...
by fishfood
March 22nd, 2011, 6:06 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: YA contemporary CALL ME CRAZY
Replies: 10
Views: 2522

Re: YA contemporary CALL ME CRAZY

The first one grabbed me a bit more even though they're both pretty similar. The voice is fun too. I'll go ahead and critique the first one. Hi everyone, I've tried out a zillion different ways of writing this query, and would like to present two slightly different options for your perusal. I've lit...
by fishfood
March 22nd, 2011, 5:35 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - The Beautiful People
Replies: 20
Views: 3001

Re: Query - The Beautiful People

I'd LOVE to read this! I hope you get some requests, my comments are in red: Okay, so I've taken some time off and this is what I came up with. Also I was inspired by the lates QS post on how to handle query letters for multi-POV novels. I chose to do it from Cote's POV, since the other POV made thi...
by fishfood
March 21st, 2011, 10:37 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - The Cacao Conspiracy - newest version in post 16
Replies: 15
Views: 3111

Re: Query - The Cacao Conspiracy

This sounds like a really cool story, I bet you'll get quite a few requests for it. :) My suggestions in red: Thanks for your feedback everyone. I've drafted a new version based on your comments and have answered some questions below. Hopefully this new version is better - please let me know what yo...
by fishfood
March 13th, 2011, 10:23 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: Romance Query: COVET *Revision 3 posted (4.5.11)*
Replies: 19
Views: 3884

Re: Romance Query: COVET *Revision 2 on first post*

Lastest revision on first post.
You all are the best :)
by fishfood
March 13th, 2011, 10:07 am
Forum: Queries
Topic: New Direction for query for SAW IT COMING
Replies: 13
Views: 1964

Re: New Direction for query for SAW IT COMING

THIS IS THE NEW VERSION! Sam Oliveira doesn’t want to join the family business—not that he has a choice. Seeing the future is an inherited trait, one that makes him a valuable recruit for the Brazilian cartel boss that employs his mother. Sam's ability is coveted by drug dealers and human trafficke...
by fishfood
March 12th, 2011, 3:12 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - The Beautiful People
Replies: 20
Views: 3001

Re: Query - The Beautiful People

Most important---neither of these versions sucks. They're both interesting and have a good flow, but there's a problem---they sound like they're describing two entirely different books. When an agent reads a query he/she needs to get an idea of what the book is about---each of these queries makes i...
by fishfood
March 8th, 2011, 9:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE TIME revised version
Replies: 8
Views: 1521

Re: THE TIME revised version

Hi again, I'm hoping this is better, though I'm uncertain about the genre now, I was sure it was YA asTeri is 25 an her friends in their twenties, but I feel the tone is suited to someone my own age (I'm seventeen) and believe it would appeal to fifteen years to mid twenties. YA is when the protago...
by fishfood
February 27th, 2011, 3:47 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Divisions REVISED
Replies: 7
Views: 1067

Re: Query: Divisions

I am brand new, and this is my first post. If any of you have time to look it over, I would really appreciate any advice you have. The insights and critiques I've read from you in this forum have been very helpful, and right on target in my opinion. thanks so much. Dear Ms. Agent: Because you so su...
by fishfood
February 19th, 2011, 9:24 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: *REVISED* (AGAIN) Query letter for "Gaia's Secret"
Replies: 31
Views: 4403

Re: Query letter for "Gaia's Secret"

You've done an awesome rewrite! Nice job. :) I slashed through the things I don't you need in the query and had a few tiny nit-pick questions that might clarify your query even more. Otherwise, looks good. Give it a go! O-KAY. First of all, I want to say thank you to all who have effectively thrown ...
by fishfood
February 18th, 2011, 9:47 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: *REVISED* (AGAIN) Query letter for "Gaia's Secret"
Replies: 31
Views: 4403

Re: Query letter for "Gaia's Secret"

Hey there, I read through the first draft and suggestions, so I'll take a go at this new version for you! Please take my suggestions with a grain of salt, I'm a total dunce when it comes to fantasy. Alright! After such awesome feedback, I've made some 'linear' changes (or one can hope). I hope this ...
by fishfood
December 21st, 2010, 9:46 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE SECOND DEATH OF JUAN LA ROCA: Revision # 2
Replies: 20
Views: 3697

Re: THE SECOND DEATH OF JUAN LA ROCA: lit fiction query

REVISION 1 Thanks again, everyone, for your fantastic advice. I've tried to take everything you've said into account without losing the tone or bloating the query. Is this an improvement? ----- "People's memories are short. And life is so damn long." Most agents would say don't use a quotation from...
by fishfood
December 16th, 2010, 9:31 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: OVERBOARD - Revision #1 Posted
Replies: 12
Views: 2261

Re: OVERBOARD - 1st Person Query

Folks, here is my current best-effort at the query written in the third person. I would very much appreciation feedback on each, as well as opinions on which to most concentrate on improving. Thanks in advance. Dear Agent, Silas Jacobson killed his father. Good opening line. It was a pure accident,...
by fishfood
December 15th, 2010, 10:07 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query (REVISED)
Replies: 10
Views: 2693

Re: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query (REVISED)

Hey there, I liked the other comments so far and I think you'll change it again probably based on these, but I was going to offer a general tip for some of your writing. It's something I have been catching in my own writing. I've highlighted them below in your query, but using weak words like "decid...
by fishfood
December 12th, 2010, 4:30 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Deleted
Replies: 11
Views: 1613

Re: Crossing Thresholds

This was my first post, but I deleted it. This is actually my third revision of my query. It's 1976. Everyone looks old to Mary, even the young people. Maybe it's the long hair and scraggly beards of the dirty, bare-foot, shirtless dudes. Or maybe it's the sagging, braless breasts flagrantly floppi...