Search found 39 matches

by sgf
October 1st, 2010, 6:53 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Fantasy Novel Query-- "3rd" draft
Replies: 17
Views: 3891

Re: Fantasy Novel Query-- "2nd" draft

D.S., trirae, bgannon, and android--

Thank you all for your feedback!

More clarification, less details, and stronger voice.. will do!
by sgf
September 29th, 2010, 9:00 pm
Forum: Connect With a Critique Partner
Topic: Looking for a Critique Partner (Fantasy)
Replies: 14
Views: 3276

Re: Looking for a Critique Partner (Fantasy)

Hi Guardian, I enjoyed looking at the artwork on your website. I'd be happy to swap chapters 1-3 with you, if you're interested. I'm currently working on what I consider my "2nd to last" draft of all my chapters; 1-3 should be fairly polished but I want to give them a final review. For a sample of w...
by sgf
September 29th, 2010, 8:45 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Fantasy Novel Query-- "3rd" draft
Replies: 17
Views: 3891

Re: Fantasy Novel Query-- "2nd" draft

Hello, First, thanks to everyone who provided comments on my first query draft-- i really appreciated all the input I got. Below is an updated version. Can anything be removed? Any awkward prose? Is it any better? Kellek belongs to a sect of mystics that can see into the future, but he couldn’t fore...
by sgf
September 29th, 2010, 5:18 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query--BOOK OF SHADOWS, Horror
Replies: 11
Views: 1585

Re: Query--BOOK OF SHADOWS, Horror

Hi A.R., There are a lots of cool ideas in this. I like how the MC (Alex) is already having a hard time when his wife dies, and his life gets even more complicated when he has to fight off the advances of a teenager with mind powers. I also like how he meets a Wiccan, they fall in love, and she tri...
by sgf
September 28th, 2010, 5:47 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE REMEDY - 3rd try at page 2 bottom - Women's Fiction
Replies: 20
Views: 3581

Re: THE REMEDY - Query - Women's upmarket fiction

Hi Polly, Thanks for sharing your query. Below are my thoughts as I read through it. Maggie Cooper is smart and lucky; she’s so lucky that her heart is split and she doesn’t even know it. This has the potential of being a great opener. But, when I read it I wondered what having her heart split mean...
by sgf
September 27th, 2010, 4:49 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Fantasy novel 1st page
Replies: 12
Views: 4078

Re: Fantasy novel 1st page

Thanks Priya, khanes, and writeonsistah for your comments!
by sgf
September 27th, 2010, 4:45 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: First page of YA novel, Jasmine Powers, Super Geek
Replies: 7
Views: 2497

Re: First page of YA novel, Jasmine Powers, Super Geek

Hi writeon-- I thought this was an excellent opener. I didn't get much of a conflict yet... I'm guessing it will have something to do with Jasmine learning about her real family. But what I thought you did really well (well enough so I would keep reading) was show the reading Jasmine's character, es...
by sgf
September 24th, 2010, 12:43 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: The Final Battle...does it have to be a cliche?
Replies: 16
Views: 5125

Re: The Final Battle...does it have to be a cliche?

Does the main character HAVE to kill the "bad guy"? Or can a side-"good guy" do it? I usually hear the term cliche used to describe something in a negative way, but personally I think sometimes cliche writing can actually be a good thing. Predictable or dull as it might be, it's also comfortable in...
by sgf
September 23rd, 2010, 4:50 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Gravity of San Miguel - Query - Sept. 23rd
Replies: 21
Views: 3768

Re: The Gravity of San Miguel - Query - Sept. 23rd

Hi khanes, First, thanks for your thoughts on my 1st page. It's great getting feedback for something that I've tinkered with so much that I'm not sure what works and what doesn't. I'm really enjoying looking at other people's queries. In the long run, I hope it will help when I revise my own (selfi...
by sgf
September 23rd, 2010, 12:08 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: eror
Replies: 38
Views: 6631

Re: Bengali Girls Don't -- new version on page 3

Hi Zakariya, Here are my thoughts on your query: When a dying Bangladeshi woman stares into a picture of her and her father, she relives her troubled past, beginning with the day her father gave her a pair of brand-new roller skates and ending with her forced marriage. It seemed like a lot of relivi...
by sgf
September 22nd, 2010, 8:01 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY - SPIRIT HILL
Replies: 9
Views: 1420

Re: QUERY - SPIRIT HILL

Hi GeeGee, I'm just going to focus on the plot summary part of your query, since the rest seems OK. When his eleven-month old son dies on a hot spring day in 1938, Gus Kelman ignores his grief and goes to work chopping wood. I thought this opener could use some tightening. "ignores' didn't quite se...
by sgf
September 22nd, 2010, 7:14 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Fantasy novel 1st page
Replies: 12
Views: 4078

Re: Fantasy novel 1st page

Thanks, Quill, for the excellent line-by-line critique and suggestions!
by sgf
September 22nd, 2010, 1:07 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Fantasy novel 1st page
Replies: 12
Views: 4078

Re: Fantasy novel 1st page

Emily J and Wordranger, Thanks to you both for reading and offering your thoughts about my first page... just the sort of thing I was looking for. I really appreciate the input! Wordranger, the writing sounding like it was "trying too hard" is one of the things I'm trying to minimize (along with unn...
by sgf
September 21st, 2010, 4:21 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for a Fantasy novel 3rd Draft!!
Replies: 17
Views: 2295

Re: Query for a Fantasy novel.

Hi Debra, I've only reviewed a dozen or so queries, and have been working on my own (it's on the forums, and you can see for yourself that it's far from good), so take the following for what it's worth! Emma, a Christmas Angel, lands, torn and bleeding, in the arms of a vampire. I thought this first...
by sgf
September 20th, 2010, 8:21 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Fantasy Novel Query-- "3rd" draft
Replies: 17
Views: 3891

Re: Fantasy Novel Query

Hi Prudence,

Thanks for taking the time to critique my query. For the sake of focus, I agree that I should stick to just one character. A part of me was determined to somehow get both MCs in the query, but I'm beginning to realize that you (and others) are right. Thanks again!