Search found 35 matches

by littlebird
February 26th, 2011, 4:13 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
Replies: 27
Views: 4496

Re: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)

Okay...so I obviously suck. Sorry, Quill. So Sam's mom can also see the future, but she has greater control of her visions. Her boss is the drug lord, but she's tried to keep Sam out of the "business" literally since birth. His uncle is sort of a "good guy," but he has a grudge against Sam's mom and...
by littlebird
February 26th, 2011, 3:36 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
Replies: 27
Views: 4496

Re: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)

The two people who can help Sam—an uncle with a murderous agenda of his own and a cartel boss who wants Sam's gifts for his business—are major players in the drug war Sam’she's?spent his life avoiding. Neither are appealing options, but time is slipping away and Sam is desperate.
by littlebird
February 26th, 2011, 3:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
Replies: 27
Views: 4496

Re: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)

THIS IS THE NEWEST VERSION!! Sam Oliveira can barely make it through a day without gut-wrenching visions. Glimpsing natural disasters and terrorist attacks leaves him with a pounding migraine and his head in the toilet, but he accepts that no seventeen-year-old can stop those things before they hap...
by littlebird
February 25th, 2011, 8:14 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
Replies: 27
Views: 4496

Re: Query: SAW IT COMING (revised)

Seriously, Quill! You are my hero. Thank you, thank you for your positive input!
by littlebird
February 25th, 2011, 6:24 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
Replies: 27
Views: 4496

Re: Query: SAW IT COMING

Sam Oliveira can barely make it through a day without gut-wrenching visions. Glimpsing natural disasters and terrorist attacks leaves him with a pounding migraine and his head in the toilet, but he accepts that no seventeen-year-old can prevent those things before they happen. When his latest nightm...
by littlebird
February 25th, 2011, 6:09 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Black Triangle (revised)
Replies: 7
Views: 1330

Re: Black Triangle (revised)

I know this is super nitpicky...but every time I read the word "buff" I thought your were saying she was like muscley. Can you change it to enthusiast?
by littlebird
February 25th, 2011, 6:00 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Of Shadows and Angels
Replies: 14
Views: 2835

Re: Query: Of Shadows and Angels

Not sure that this helps, but I left my second MC out of my query besides mentioning her name...
by littlebird
February 25th, 2011, 5:53 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query Bleamy's Corner YA historical fiction.
Replies: 4
Views: 1005

Re: Query Bleamy's Corner YA historical fiction.

Gotta go with wilderness with this one. I'd clarify what his job is...street runner?...and lose the last paragraph completely. The part about hundreds of orphans dying each week is more compelling.
by littlebird
February 25th, 2011, 5:29 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: THE DIM MAN
Replies: 14
Views: 2924

Re: Query: THE DIM MAN

Wow! This has really come a long way in a VERY short period of time.

There is still one thing that hangs me up every time I read it...unique soul score. Is there any way to move that into the previous sentence?

Other than that, it's great!
by littlebird
February 25th, 2011, 5:12 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
Replies: 27
Views: 4496

Re: Query: SAW IT COMING

Thanks guppy! I sort of like the barfing part too...not doing it myself, of course! Question: Without the drug lord part, I worry that my story sounds like STANDARD YA paranormal. Should I add an additional paragraph about how Sam's spent his life running from this drug cartel and turning to them fo...
by littlebird
February 25th, 2011, 4:36 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
Replies: 27
Views: 4496

Re: Query: SAW IT COMING

Thank you Quill and Falls Apart! You guys are query rock stars!
by littlebird
February 25th, 2011, 3:13 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)
Replies: 27
Views: 4496

Query: SAW IT COMING (new ending paragraph)

NEW VERSIONS BELOW! Hey Ya'll! I've been working on my queries for a while and have come up with two different ones. Maybe they both suck! Will you please look at them, tell me what you think as BRUTALLY as possible, and if I'm on the right path? I always, always return crits . (If you're intereste...
by littlebird
February 25th, 2011, 3:06 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: Blood Legacy - YA Fantasy REVISED
Replies: 21
Views: 3703

Re: Query: Blood Legacy - YA Fantasy

Hi SariBelle! This is Becky from whatsyourthoughtonthat.blogspot.com. We've crossed paths a few times, and I'm excited to see your work. Dear [Agent], Dani Strider’s deepest wish is to belong, but the blood in her veins won't allow it. She bears a legacy she knows nothing about and with it comes pow...
by littlebird
February 25th, 2011, 2:57 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden
Replies: 12
Views: 2487

Re: Query - Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden

Where do I click the like button? I love sports chicks!!! Here are my edits. Dear (agent's name), Gentlemen only, ladies forbidden? Seventeen-year-old Beatrice Roland won’t take that crap, especially from Leighton Ross, a chauvinistic boy who believes she should step off the golf course and put on a...
by littlebird
February 25th, 2011, 2:51 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - updated version
Replies: 17
Views: 3476

Re: Color of Gothic /Paranormal Western - LAST LINE HELP

Paranormal Western? Awesome! The query looks good, and I like the line that the head demon and bounty hunter have met before.