Nathan Bransford - The Forums

Rebecca, good work! Nathan gave great advice as always. I just wanted to pop in and say that I find it really useful to add facial expressions and tone of voice in when I am writing out my dialogues. Example: Dean Denton glared a bit at Jacob and I over Toby’s head. She tried to soften it, but it wa...

THANK YOU!!!! Okay, I tweaked it a little, but I can go back Dear Dream Agent, Being labeled an undead bloodsucker doesn’t mesh with Reece Paine’s idea of what a working mama ought to be. Those overblown rumors about vampires haven’t encouraged her to come out of the closet either. She’s married to ...

REVISED!!! I think I am really getting there. This one felt much better. At any rate, my novel is FINISHED!!!! Dear Dream Agent, Being labeled an undead bloodsucker doesn’t mesh with Reece Paine’s idea of what a working mama ought to be. Knowing those things are just overblown rumors about vampires ...

A3writer, thanks, your response was helpful. The kidnapping and the mom angle have equal time. I don't feel I really focused on the stakes in this query, or why Reece might gave felt odd about her species. Is this the Christopher Moore that you are thinking of? http://www.chrismoore.com/ THIS is the...

Back to the drawing board! I think I am going to go back to the kidnapping angle. Although I got a lot of negative feedback from that, it seemed easier to present it as the main conflict and portray it as a funny book. Also, trying to incorporate query writing advice is simply backfiring because eve...

Dear Agent, My novel, WHAT A PAINE!, is a quick-moving, kooky urban fantasy novel with a women’s fiction feel. It should appeal to fans of Christopher Moore, Janet Evanovich, and Kim Harrison. Reece Paine needs to come out of the closet, she just doesn’t know it yet. She’s been trying to act like yo...

I think it is getting a lot better. I se one are that needs work, and you'll have it nailed. Your first sentence and last sentence are AWESOME, and have an intensity that is great. I think that it needs to be pulled in right here: Then, he is turned into a vampire. Unfortunately, it was planned; Hav...

I think this is a great improvement! I agree with the previous poster about removing novel info, since you have it at the end. I am not sure if the first sentence you have could be tweaked a little to grab the attention, or if you should lose it and just stick with the (excellent) summary you now ha...

You might be able to find a good critique partner who is more of a mentor that would be willing to work with you to sharpen some of your language skills. If you can't find someone here, try the Absolute Write forums. I would think having someone go through a few chapters bit by bit and suggesting la...

I think it could some editing, which is understandable if English isn't your first language. That aside, I think with practice you'll get the hang of it.

Ask him for some advice!

I know it sounded harsh, and I understand he may have an educated opinion. You can read through all of my posts here and very quickly see that I am not at ALL a harsh person. Remember that the work you showed him is probably not your final draft. I still stick to my guns on what I said, as intense a...

I would like to begin by saying that this is showing a lot of intensity and improving. I would not have read it intitially, probably still would not, because I am not a fan of YA-BUT if I were an agent I would ask for the MS because it sounds really gripping. Dear Agent: Mathias’ thirteenth birthda...

Unless he is YOU, ignore him. Perhaps that sounds harsh. You know something, HE ISN"T THE ONE WRITING THE BOOK. He doesn't know all the extra information you, as the author, have stored in your head that is behind the outlines, and notes, and characters that you haven't gotten on paper yet. he doesn...

I will do this until it gets right. I think this direction is the right one. I FEEL IT!!!! Oooops, maybe that's the coffee. Dear Agent BOZO, Over the last week, Reece Paine's life has been a tangle of events requiring every ounce of her wits and some extreme cookie bribery. Reece is a vampire, marri...

Thanks chris13, that was very helpful!