Search found 57 matches

by Jaligard
October 26th, 2010, 3:35 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query
Replies: 28
Views: 4477

Re: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query

Dear Mr. or Ms. Agent, Some people collect stamps; others keep coins. Daly English has a collection too—emotions. By keeping her feelings locked safely away between the pages of her journal, she aims to dismiss herself from their effects. Defining entries from Daly’s collection begin each chapter, ...
by Jaligard
October 26th, 2010, 2:27 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (Newer Draft on page 2)
Replies: 15
Views: 3309

Re: Query: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (second attempt)

Standing in Raz’s way is Alli, the Harlot of Beldessario, the city’s resident water wizard. Passionate, kind-hearted, and wise, she’s been waiting for the right moment to train Tessa herself. With Raz in her city and his army at the gates, she cannot afford to wait any longer. She’ll have to use al...
by Jaligard
October 26th, 2010, 2:13 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (Newer Draft on page 2)
Replies: 15
Views: 3309

Re: Query: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (second attempt)

Just a few questions, coming from someone who is not at all well-versed in the fantasy genre. Do you mean questions the query should answer or questions that you would like to know the answers to? How is Tessa talented--musically, magically? Yes! Tessa walks alongside the canals, day-in and day-out...
by Jaligard
October 25th, 2010, 7:19 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query
Replies: 28
Views: 4477

Re: The Iron Pillar: Women's Fiction Query

You spend a lot of time on the themes of the novel. Focus on the story. There's also an alarming lack of specificity when you need it most. "An unexpected tragedy occurs?" Then you've specificity where you don't need it "the outcast pregnant teenager who serves as an unlikely mentor." You've got her...
by Jaligard
October 25th, 2010, 5:28 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (Newer Draft on page 2)
Replies: 15
Views: 3309

THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (Newer Draft on page 2)

Newer New Version on page two. * * * I went back to the drawing board (mostly) after the last version and have what I hope is a vastly improved query letter. I would appreciate all the criticism you care to provide. Here is the previous query letter . Thanks in advance! Dear [Agent name], Tessa is ...
by Jaligard
October 13th, 2010, 6:19 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Wizard Seeking Trophy Bride
Replies: 9
Views: 1509

Re: Wizard Seeking Trophy Bride

I LOVE this idea. The query needs a lot work. The problem you've got is that you've got such a great idea. You have an additional task. Not only do you have to make the novel sound interesting and convince an agent you can string together 106,000 words into an enjoybale story, you have to convince t...
by Jaligard
October 7th, 2010, 5:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query -IRON HEART-
Replies: 24
Views: 3637

Re: Query -IRON HEART-

Dear Agent, Terik is a toad living in the kingdom of Garn where magic and machine live side by side. But Terik’s life is turned upside down when he is cursed against his will by a crazy witch with a dangerous invention. Now stuck in a human body, Terik must travel to the human lands to find the wit...
by Jaligard
October 1st, 2010, 2:53 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Stuck at the 1/3rd way mark
Replies: 12
Views: 2712

Re: Stuck at the 1/3rd way mark

Having gotten stuck at the 1/3 mark (or earlier) several times, I tried a new technique with my latest project. I broke the novel into scenes and just wrote the scene that most intrigued me every day. Slowly but surely, I filled the novel in. The trick was writing what I wanted, and writing *every* ...
by Jaligard
September 15th, 2010, 11:35 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Fantasy Novel Query-- "3rd" draft
Replies: 17
Views: 3801

Re: Fantasy Novel Query

Few can appreciate the depths of Ravenel’s love for the legendary knight who steals her heart—certainly not Kellek, the knight’s closest friend. When Kellek discovers Ravenel in the midst of a bloody ritual with the knight, he disrupts it. The spell would have bound her with the knight for eternity...
by Jaligard
September 14th, 2010, 2:11 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (v. 4 on page 2)
Replies: 19
Views: 3228

Re: Query: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (v. 4 on page 2)

What did she have, to sacrifice, before? Why does she have nothing left? What sort of sacrifices have been needed, and why? What sort would be needed now, if she had the wherewithall? I'm thinking "sacrifice" might not be the best word here. Not sure "with nothing left to sacrifice" has the right t...
by Jaligard
September 10th, 2010, 7:33 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: HARP-BROKEN--latest version at end..thanks for input!
Replies: 14
Views: 2856

Re: Query: HARP-BROKEN--new version at end...thanks for input!

In YA fantasy HARP-BROKEN, Philadelphia teen Roiseen O'Reilly wants her life back. Her beloved Dad, a world-class restorer of musical instruments, is missing in Ireland. Dad provided the free concert tickets that allowed her to suck up to the "in" crowd at her suburban private school--and feel less...
by Jaligard
September 10th, 2010, 7:19 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Black Hole Son - V4
Replies: 11
Views: 1712

Re: Black Hole Son - V4

All right, try this on. This one is less synopsis-y: The world of the future is a harsh place. Even harsher for Remy and Ash. They're brothers. They wake up in separate parts of a metropolis and have no memory. Remy wakes up on a park bench with some pills, a sweater, and a strange gun. He knows th...
by Jaligard
September 10th, 2010, 6:46 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (v. 4 on page 2)
Replies: 19
Views: 3228

Re: Query: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (v. 4 on page 2)

***Fourth version*** Last rewrite for the weekend. The first round of letters go out next week! Thank you all for the help. It is much appreciated. Dear [Mr./Ms. Agent Name], Born blind, the street musician Tessa always considered her ability to see auras—and nothing else—as more of a curse than a b...
by Jaligard
September 9th, 2010, 6:47 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (v. 4 on page 2)
Replies: 19
Views: 3228

Re: Query: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (v. 2 on page 1)

Third version. Hopefully getting closer. I've dropped Alli from the query and focused even more on Tessa and her powers. Comments appreciated. Dear [Mr./Ms. Agent Name], Born blind, the street musician Tessa always considered her ability to see auras—and nothing else—as more of a curse than a blessi...
by Jaligard
September 8th, 2010, 6:08 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (v. 4 on page 2)
Replies: 19
Views: 3228

Re: QUERY: The Heart of Beldessario - Fantasy

New version. Comments appreciated. Dear [Mr./Ms. Agent Name], Born blind, the street musician Tessa always considered her ability to see auras—and nothing else—as more of a curse than a blessing. Seeing auras may not win her many friends, but being able to spot the blackened hearts of brigands keeps...