Search found 57 matches

by Jaligard
December 1st, 2010, 11:47 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: QUERY: THE LAST DRAGON (Fantasy)
Replies: 9
Views: 1639

Re: QUERY: THE LAST DRAGON (Fantasy)

FIrst of all, that sounds awesome. The twist at the end seals it for me. The beginning feels a little clichéd to me. You're stepping into destined-to-save-the-world and unexpected-birthright realm, so be careful with that. You've got some capitalization issues: the Queen, the king, Last Dragon, Rebe...
by Jaligard
November 29th, 2010, 11:34 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Historical sci-fi
Replies: 20
Views: 2878

Re: Historical sci-fi

After reading your interviews with _____ and ______ I knew I had to query you first. THE NINTH ADDICT is a 75,000-word historical science fiction novel about Ted, a war slave who is captured during an inter-dimensional invasion launched by the Procreator and led by Zeus. His sole purpose is to serv...
by Jaligard
November 19th, 2010, 1:46 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Query Critique Friday 11/19/10
Replies: 11
Views: 12960

Re: Query Critique Friday 11/19/10

I get a good sense of what happens in your book and it sounds pretty interesting, but I think I need to know more about Candida. Why does she succomb to this tempation and why does she have what it takes to pull it off? Why should we care about her, particularly when she's trying to earn a rank in H...
by Jaligard
November 15th, 2010, 7:38 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: DISREGARD THIS POST PLEASE. Women's fiction query - ELSA
Replies: 11
Views: 2054

Re: Help! Women's fiction query - ELSA

Plagued by a family secret. . . Without the secret, we don't really know enough about the story to make this compelling. It's big enough to ruin her relationship with her mother. it's big enough to spend thousands of dollars to keep her daughter from finding it out. It's been eating Elsa for years....
by Jaligard
November 15th, 2010, 7:17 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (Newer Draft on page 2)
Replies: 15
Views: 3309

Re: THE HEART OF BELDESSARIO - Fantasy (New Draft on page 2)

More tweaks in the third paragraph. Would appreciate comments. Thanks in advance! Tessa is young, talented, and blind. She walks alongside the canals of Beldessario and plays her dulcimer for strangers, seeing only their auras and relying on their generosity to survive. Gazing into people's souls m...
by Jaligard
November 9th, 2010, 5:50 pm
Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
Topic: Synopsis: The Iron Pillar (Women's Fiction)
Replies: 2
Views: 1543

Re: Synopsis: The Iron Pillar (Women's Fiction)

Daly English would rather keep to herself than risk opening her heart to pain. At twenty-five, she has felt pain enough for a lifetime; she’s already suffered through the death of her beloved father and the emotional estrangement of her mother, and now faces abandonment by her long-term boyfriend a...
by Jaligard
November 9th, 2010, 3:09 pm
Forum: Ask Nathan
Topic: Tricky sci-fi/fantasy question
Replies: 5
Views: 1049

Re: Tricky sci-fi/fantasy question

I like Orson Scott Card's explanation (paraphrasing): if there will be rivets on the cover of the novel, it's science fiction. If there will be dragons or elves or forests, it's fantasy. It's the same section of the bookstore. Target agents that rep both genres and don't sweat it too much. [/my $0.02]
by Jaligard
November 4th, 2010, 12:46 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT - New Revision - Revision #3
Replies: 15
Views: 2718

Re: Query: HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT - New Revision - Revision #1

Dear Agent: Castillia is a goddess with a strange sense of humor. She’s only manifested herself twice in history. The first time was in a king. The second time was in a prince. These guys made sense. They were respected leaders. Did she choose a king this time? No. A prince? Nope. This time, she ch...
by Jaligard
November 2nd, 2010, 3:32 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: TREASON - Historical Mystery
Replies: 19
Views: 2325

Re: TREASON - Historical Mystery

I really like this query, but I'm a sucker for British history. I don't have too much advice for you. (I prefer the opening sentence as is. With 1644, Parliament, York, and rebellion, I know exactly where we're at. You've spelled it out, no need to dumb it down or sound out the letters.) I did have ...
by Jaligard
November 1st, 2010, 5:31 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query - Possessed
Replies: 23
Views: 3129

Re: Query - Possessed

Please note that I didn't read the earlier version. Dear Agent, Gabriel is a murderer. The experiment he volunteered for was supposed to erase the memories. Now all he knows is one thing: If he does not get out of the White Horizon Research Facility soon, he will be a corpse. This paragraph just has...
by Jaligard
November 1st, 2010, 5:03 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Crystal Shade: Angeni (Fantasy Query) - 3rd Edition
Replies: 16
Views: 2108

Re: Crystal Shade: Angeni (Fantasy Query) - 2nd Edition

But if she's destined to protect the world from the Crystal Shade, it implies she already knows what the Crystal Shade is. Yes and no. In the story everyone believes they knows what CS really is. She believes in it too. But in the story she is realizing it's much more and their knowledge regarding ...
by Jaligard
November 1st, 2010, 3:42 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Crystal Shade: Angeni (Fantasy Query) - 3rd Edition
Replies: 16
Views: 2108

Re: Crystal Shade: Angeni (Fantasy Query) - 2nd Edition

Grace is reborn as Angeni, an adult guardian angel, forever destined to protect her world, Eecrys Aredia, from the prophesied Crystal Shade. While she prepares to serve and guide the humans, as the guardians have for millennia, Angeni seeks to understand what she has become and the truth of what th...
by Jaligard
November 1st, 2010, 2:42 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Crystal Shade: Angeni (Fantasy Query) - 3rd Edition
Replies: 16
Views: 2108

Re: Crystal Shade: Angeni (Fantasy Query) - 2nd Edition

Thank you very much. I agree with your points and changes. So this one should be the final version... Seven year old Grace loves to dream about being reborn as a guardian angel. It's not like Grace actually wants to die, but sometimes she thinks that mysterious life sounds so exciting – until it ac...
by Jaligard
October 31st, 2010, 11:32 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query: HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT - New Revision - Revision #3
Replies: 15
Views: 2718

Re: Query: HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT - YA Sci-Fi/Fantasy

The main plotline is Magellan, who is a commoner, growing up with all these nobles who hate him. Part of that plotline is the scheming prince that wants him dead. This plotline throws the roommates together. The roommates don't actually have to "do anything". (That happens in the next book) In this...