Search found 33 matches

by SSB
December 8th, 2010, 3:38 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Deleted
Replies: 11
Views: 1543

Deleted

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by SSB
November 22nd, 2010, 10:46 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Which opener grabs you the most? Women's fiction.
Replies: 24
Views: 7194

Re: Which opener grabs you the most? Women's fiction.

Excerpt one is definitely better from my view point.
by SSB
November 19th, 2010, 2:40 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Query Critique Friday 11/19/10
Replies: 11
Views: 12946

Re: Query Critique Friday 11/19/10

I agree with the posters above. The heroine's name needs a change. I could not get past it either.
by SSB
October 1st, 2010, 9:01 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Page Critique Friday 10/1/10
Replies: 32
Views: 28074

Re: Page Critique Friday 10/1/10

I want to read more.
by SSB
September 3rd, 2010, 1:49 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Page Critique Friday 9/3/10
Replies: 21
Views: 22594

Re: Page Critique Friday 9/3/10

I agree with the last poster. It needs something more to reel the reader in. Maybe you could start with Jim hurting his knee, or find the payoff in the novel and start with that and then go back to the beginning. (Sort of an instant replay) Please take my comments with a grain of salt as I am not a ...
by SSB
August 31st, 2010, 6:24 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Forgive me 2nd try Need criticism on a Reno Wedding
Replies: 3
Views: 821

Re: Forgive me 2nd try Need criticism on a Reno Wedding

Thank you both for your criticism. I have already applied some of your suggestions to my excerpt.
by SSB
August 30th, 2010, 9:33 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Shadows - First Chapter (Revised)
Replies: 26
Views: 6969

Re: Shadows - First Page

The sound of crunching leaves sent Aaron Knight into a crouch behind a tree, a rush of adrenaline chasing ](chased) away the morning chill. Rough bark dug into his back, but he ignored the discomfort and held still.(H ow did rough bark dig into his back where was he? Against a tree?) Tightening his...
by SSB
August 30th, 2010, 7:05 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Dirt - 2nd chapter
Replies: 9
Views: 1434

Re: Dirt - 2nd chapter

I like your story. It shows how desperate the times were, and you capture it in a harsh, yet extremely realistic way.
by SSB
August 30th, 2010, 4:39 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Forgive me 2nd try Need criticism on a Reno Wedding
Replies: 3
Views: 821

Forgive me 2nd try Need criticism on a Reno Wedding

Sorry for the post yesterday, I copied the wrong draft and posted the unedited copy, so I deleted it. I hope I did not wound too many eyes. (I couldn't bear to look at the count.) I have enough trouble getting it right after the seventh try. Anyway... My novel takes place in 1976. It is about a 17 ...
by SSB
August 29th, 2010, 11:23 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Dirt - 2nd chapter
Replies: 9
Views: 1434

Re: Dirt - 2nd chapter

Wow!
by SSB
August 28th, 2010, 6:39 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: YA - adventure/mystery Prologue
Replies: 10
Views: 1869

Re: YA - adventure/mystery Prologue

First I want to let you know I am not a published author, so I am giving my opinion as a reader. I think your story is intriguing. I also like the odd language your character spoke toward the end, nice touch. I was sure my spine was going to break this time. I would remove this time. such as barb wi...
by SSB
August 27th, 2010, 4:18 am
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Dirt by SL Dwyer
Replies: 10
Views: 1787

Re: Dirt by SL Dwyer

I am not much of an editor, so I will only comment on story. Nice job. Your words paint pictures in my head.
by SSB
August 25th, 2010, 7:56 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: Help Critiquing Dialogue
Replies: 8
Views: 2082

Re: Help Critiquing Dialogue

As far as dialogue goes, real life is boring. I like what you wrote. Listen to dialogue in movies and TV shows, it is aways a bit colorful. I also like that you were brave enough to cross the lines of political correctness. m looking for some feedback on a short excerpt of dialogue, so I can gauge ...
by SSB
August 25th, 2010, 7:20 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: THE GHOST OF ME - CHAPTER 1
Replies: 9
Views: 1673

Re: THE GHOST OF ME - CHAPTER 1

First off, I want to let you know that I am not a published author, just a reader, so take what I say with a grain of salt. I like your story. You have my attention. My eyes snap open. My room is dark; the stuffed animals on the shelves are creating eerie shadows, but they are old, memories of my c...
by SSB
August 25th, 2010, 6:49 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: deleted
Replies: 2
Views: 646

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