Search found 34 matches

by adamg73
July 29th, 2010, 6:57 pm
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: A forum game: three word story
Replies: 83
Views: 12880

Re: A forum game: three word story

Once upon a horse Sonja feared the darkness across the river might be too deep. Sighing, she turned and found a block of cheese made of Venusian so she picked up a sword to pierce into the looming thicket. "No!" said the block of cheese! "Don't go there!" But the cheese did not know how to talk let ...
by adamg73
July 29th, 2010, 6:51 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: Wost Book Ever!
Replies: 1
Views: 758

Wost Book Ever!

Nevermind.
by adamg73
July 29th, 2010, 6:32 pm
Forum: Books
Topic: Good Books - Bad Endings
Replies: 39
Views: 6750

Re: Good Books - Bad Endings

I loved the Harry Potter series but the last book "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" was so bad that it almost ruined the series for me. It had a terrible ending. So very cliche.
by adamg73
July 29th, 2010, 6:22 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Query for Darkness Becomes Her
Replies: 23
Views: 3809

Re: Query for Darkness Becomes Her - REWRITTEN

Because of her gift, Dane and her best friend June are dispatched on a mission to save humanity from a virulent manmade virus by the mysterious Dark Angel. I'm not sure why June has been sucked into this mess. What is it about Dane's gift that involves her? Dane’s mission to murder Gregorio is comp...
by adamg73
July 29th, 2010, 12:52 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: 1st Page YA Fantasy
Replies: 4
Views: 1136

Re: 1st Page YA Fantasy

I like it and, despite some good comments from other users, wouldn't change a thing, with one exception. I'm a wildlife biologist by trade and therefore a geek when it comes to bird calls. Crows don't squawk, they caw. You know...CAW, CAAAW! That's a crow. Chicken's squawk.
by adamg73
July 29th, 2010, 12:40 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Bond of Darkness Query
Replies: 11
Views: 2108

Re: Bond of Darkness Query

I think you do a good job of describing the circumstances surrounding the main character but I feel that it would strengthen your query to add some hints as to who this character is and what kind of world he's living in. I agree that it's a strong query though.
by adamg73
July 28th, 2010, 6:03 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: How do you celebrate finishing a book?
Replies: 30
Views: 8937

Re: How do you celebrate finishing a book?

I don't consider anything finished until it's been published. When that eventually happens, then I'll celebrate.
by adamg73
July 28th, 2010, 6:01 pm
Forum: Writing
Topic: Who has read your WIP?
Replies: 22
Views: 4084

Re: Who has read your WIP?

I've been very skittish about letting anyone read my stuff until it's pretty darn polished. My current completed manuscript underwent 4 revisions before anyone saw more than a few lines.
by adamg73
July 28th, 2010, 5:50 pm
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: Forum game: Random facts about you
Replies: 126
Views: 34119

Re: Forum game: Random facts about you

I know!! Prince Charmings are supposed to be handsome, and he was...yuck! He wasn't yuck, he was cute and furry. Like me. I love stale Cheetos. When I buy a bag of Cheetos the first thing I do is open it and then put it in the cupboard so they'll be nice and chewy in about a week. I think my favori...
by adamg73
July 28th, 2010, 5:39 pm
Forum: Procrastination
Topic: A forum game: three word story
Replies: 83
Views: 12880

Re: A forum game: three word story

Once upon a horse Sonja feared the darkness across the river might be too deep. Sighing, she turned and found a block of cheese made of Venusian so she picked up a sword to pierce into the looming thicket. "No!" said the block of cheese! "Don't go there!" But the cheese did not know how to talk let ...
by adamg73
July 28th, 2010, 5:22 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: DEMON STABBER - EXAN'S STORY
Replies: 4
Views: 935

Re: DEMON STABBER - EXAN'S STORY

16-year-old Exan doesn't have time for high school anymore. Becoming a human is a full-time job. Exan never knew his mother and a ll he knows of his father is that he's a daemon. That’s going to be an issue. Raised and trained by a daemon hunter, he's dedicated his life to finding and slaying daemo...
by adamg73
July 28th, 2010, 12:54 pm
Forum: Excerpts
Topic: 1st page: BOB - YA dystopian *Take #3*
Replies: 28
Views: 7988

Re: 1st page: BOB - YA dystopian *Take #3*

I agree with Holly, if you drop that first bit about the awful room and get right to him, it works a lot better. I like how you don't take long to explain what "Stream" is. As a sci-fi reader it drives me nuts when you have to wait for 3 chapters to find out what a referenced piece of technology act...
by adamg73
July 28th, 2010, 12:47 pm
Forum: Synopses and Plot Outlines
Topic: Synopsis Alamandine's Song
Replies: 5
Views: 1618

Re: Synopsis Alamandine's Song

I think the first person voice works well.
LSimon wrote:but not before she raves about her master
To me, "raves" just doesn't seem to work here. I honestly can't come up with anything better though so I'm not sure.
by adamg73
July 28th, 2010, 12:25 pm
Forum: Queries
Topic: Around the Source (Fantasy) - Attempt #3
Replies: 12
Views: 2573

Re: Around the Source [Fantasy]

I"m sorry but if I was an agent reading this, I'm not sure I could get any further than "Once upon a time,". I get the feeling that you're being cheeky and not cliche but it still doesn't work for me. Also, I would cut down your bio at the end of the letter to a simple mention of your website. I kno...
by adamg73
July 28th, 2010, 12:08 pm
Forum: Nominate Your Query or First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Topic: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog
Replies: 720
Views: 309275

Re: Nominate Your First Page for a Critique on the Blog

Title: Sol of a Gladiator Genre: Fantasy Word Count: 249 A baby’s cry. Grall was sure that’s what he’d heard. In the depths of the coliseum a person became accustomed to various cries of pain or despair. Prisoners, men broken physically or mentally, called out in the night. Spoils, the women given t...